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My friend has hand soap that smells like coconut. It's nice. Unless your hands are dirty from coconuts.
Demetri Martin
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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Nice
Smells
Funny
Soap
Hands
Dirty
Like
Smell
Unless
Friend
Comedy
Coconut
Hand
Coconuts
More quotes by Demetri Martin
A jerk on a motorcycle is equal to a leaf, because I find it beautiful when these things fall.
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I wasn't even a big comedy nerd. A lot of the comedians I know - a lot of my friends are comedians - they knew a lot about comedy growing up.
Demetri Martin
I do come across people who don't like me, don't like my comedy, don't think it's funny, it's too cutesy, or whatever they hate. And it's like, Okay. That's your opinion. Somebody liked it, so that's good. Hopefully it balances out.
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My friend named his car. And I don't want to be judgemental, but... what a dork.
Demetri Martin
The sofa is the enemy of productivity.
Demetri Martin
To some I am known as Chief. And these are usually people who work in Radio Shack or try to sell me shoes. To others I am known as Buddy. These are people who dwell in bars and wonder if I’ve got a problem or what it is that I am “looking at.” And to still others, who are in that same bar, standing just off to the side, I am “Get Him!
Demetri Martin
Count your blessings, but not out-loud, at the top of your lungs.
Demetri Martin
Halloween's my favorite holiday because you don't have to spend it with your family.
Demetri Martin
People only mention it's a free country if they're doing something shitty.
Demetri Martin
Everybody knew that you should never provoke a rattlesnake, much less tie it into a bow. But that didn't stop Judd. What did stop him was the rattlesnake.
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Once I started to look i finally began to see.
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Leave no stone unturned in your quest to disrupt a rock garden.
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To remove blood stains from your conscience try frozen margaritas.
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If I were blind, I'd wear a blindfold all the time.
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The problem with my balloon collection is that people always think there's a party. Settle down. It's not a party. It's just balloons.
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It's interesting to be an adult and to have that level of ignorance about something, because the nice part about is you get that discovery. The learning curve is so rich and steep.
Demetri Martin
We do not allow dwarf tossing. If you toss a dwarf, the dwarf will be tossed right back at you, but faster.
Demetri Martin
I live in New York and there are a lot of famous... pizzerias in my neighborhood, it's really hard to find one that isn't famous. Which sucks sometimes, you know what I mean, sometimes I don't want all that glitz and glamour, I just want something delicious, you know? I don't need a celebrity in my mouth, Ray's Up And Coming Pizza would be fine.
Demetri Martin
If you drink enough beer, everything turns in to a bed.
Demetri Martin
I was a good student when I was a kid, and I did everything I was supposed to do, and I got A's.
Demetri Martin
