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My friend has hand soap that smells like coconut. It's nice. Unless your hands are dirty from coconuts.
Demetri Martin
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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Funny
Soap
Hands
Dirty
Like
Smell
Unless
Friend
Comedy
Coconut
Hand
Coconuts
Nice
Smells
More quotes by Demetri Martin
A lot of things look cooler in slow motion. Eating isn't one of them.
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Brought to you by raising your voice. The next best thing to being right.
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It is interesting that the black BMW is the preferred car of so many assholes.
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If you stretched the average person's intestines out from end to end, it would make them scream a lot.
Demetri Martin
My mind says one thing, but my body says another. Thanks a lot, Indian food and beer.
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Leave no stone unturned in your quest to disrupt a rock garden.
Demetri Martin
When I was a kid, I always wanted to live in California because I liked skateboarding.
Demetri Martin
If only loud people were even half as interesting as they think they are.
Demetri Martin
You are ten times more likely to get hit by a car when the driver is aiming for you.
Demetri Martin
When someone describes themself as a taxpayer, they're about to be an asshole.
Demetri Martin
Surprise parties are strange 'cause people jump up and they yell the word, 'surprise' at the party. I came home and you emerged from my furniture. You don't have to tell me how to feel. I don't need a hint.
Demetri Martin
I still like paper books. Like, book is a flammable object. After you read it, you could use it to get warm. Or it could become a pile of napkins.
Demetri Martin
What's this about rice milk? I didn't even know rice had nipples!
Demetri Martin
I don't know if I'll ever be a master at anything, but I think that's a mistake for me personally. I don't know how much it's about the journey, but it's more about the process.
Demetri Martin
I'm always excited to try something I haven't done.
Demetri Martin
I like to go to concerts because I love to see my favorite band through the phone of the asshole who's standing in front of me.
Demetri Martin
Having a beard is a good way to make your face more susceptible to velcro.
Demetri Martin
I go the gym and I try to run on the treadmill and I listen to music but it doesn't motivate me enough. So I'm going to get a recording of a pack of wolves gaining on me. People would be like, 'Why is that guy crying on that treadmill over there?' 'I don't know, but he's been yelling, 'help' for like 20 minutes. He's getting a good workout.
Demetri Martin
I was on the train the other day, and I heard somebody say, I'm really good at checkers. That's the same thing as saying, I'm not good at very many things.
Demetri Martin
What I've learned about my self over the years is that I'm pretty restless. If I multitask it's probably because I have difficulty just focusing on one thing.
Demetri Martin
