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I have an erratic drummer for anybody who's just listening to this, he can keep time, but just in spurts.
Demetri Martin
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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Time
Spurts
Erratic
Drummer
Anybody
Listening
Humor
Funny
Keep
More quotes by Demetri Martin
I got into stand up just to do stand up because I love stand up.
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You get really disillusioned, because you thought you were in love. But you realize that you're just alone.
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I am a man of my word… and that word is “unreliable.
Demetri Martin
I wanna design a video game where you'd have to take care of all the people shot in all the other video games.
Demetri Martin
I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I am good at everything.
Demetri Martin
A cool tattoo design is any drawing that would also look good saggy.
Demetri Martin
I still like paper books. Like, book is a flammable object. After you read it, you could use it to get warm. Or it could become a pile of napkins.
Demetri Martin
I want to launch a globe into space just to mess with the astronauts.
Demetri Martin
Vampire fad just won't die. Makes sense, I guess.
Demetri Martin
I like parties, but I don't like piñatas because the pinata promotes violence against flamboyant animals. Hey, there's a donkey with some pizzazz. Let's kick its ass.
Demetri Martin
I can always tell how stupid someone is by how certain they are about what they're saying.
Demetri Martin
If you want to dry hump someone you don't know, just act like they were choking.
Demetri Martin
It is impossible for a cyclops to wink.
Demetri Martin
Never forget where you came from. That's what I think when I walk into a cave.
Demetri Martin
It is interesting that the black BMW is the preferred car of so many assholes.
Demetri Martin
I was on the train the other day, and I heard somebody say, I'm really good at checkers. That's the same thing as saying, I'm not good at very many things.
Demetri Martin
I need to develop some patience - immediately.
Demetri Martin
I set a personal record on Christmas. I got my shopping done three weeks ahead of time. I had all the presents back at my apartment, I was halfway through wrapping them, and I realized, 'Damn, I used the wrong wrapping paper.' The paper I used said, 'Happy Birthday.' I didn't want to waste it, so I just wrote 'Jesus' on it.
Demetri Martin
They say that structure is freedom, and in a sense it is. When you're dealing with multiple constraints, you have to figure out what you can get out of that.
Demetri Martin
I was eating some candy and looked on the wrapper, and it said made from natural and artificial flavors. You could just say flavors.
Demetri Martin
