Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
My friend named his car. And I don't want to be judgemental, but... what a dork.
Demetri Martin
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Funny
Judgemental
Dork
Named
Car
Friend
Humor
More quotes by Demetri Martin
Never forget where you came from. That's what I think when I walk into a cave.
Demetri Martin
It seems that man's greatest natural enemy is the target.
Demetri Martin
I wanna buy a bunch of hermit crabs and make them live together.
Demetri Martin
I never went bungee jumping. The closest I did was I was born.
Demetri Martin
When watering your plants, try to talk to them - say something like, Hold it right there and then shoot them with water gun.
Demetri Martin
It's not enough to say I'm sorry. You have to also mean it. It's the same with saying I'm single.
Demetri Martin
Halloween's my favorite holiday because you don't have to spend it with your family.
Demetri Martin
Your mind is like a sponge, in the sense that it would come in handy when cleaning off a countertop or something like that.
Demetri Martin
Socrates became a trendsetter. Other philosophers, including Plato and Aristotle and Gus, quickly followed suit, dropping their last names too. And, for centuries after that there would be countless imitators including oltaire, Michelangelo, and, much later, Cher.
Demetri Martin
It is interesting that the black BMW is the preferred car of so many assholes.
Demetri Martin
REGARDING THE MARCHING BAND: How much more interesting it would be to see a creeping band.
Demetri Martin
I think a lot of people who watch TV don't realize when they're watch TV shows and it says 'produced by' and producer, producer... there are all these producers. What the hell does a producer do? It's funny how much you have to worry about as a producer.
Demetri Martin
A know-it-all is a person who knows everything except for how annoying he is.
Demetri Martin
Earrings are the same as sneezes: Two is okay, but ten in a row is annoying. If you have two then, God bless you.
Demetri Martin
I want to launch a globe into space just to mess with the astronauts.
Demetri Martin
I was on the train the other day, and I heard somebody say, I'm really good at checkers. That's the same thing as saying, I'm not good at very many things.
Demetri Martin
To some I am known as Chief. And these are usually people who work in Radio Shack or try to sell me shoes. To others I am known as Buddy. These are people who dwell in bars and wonder if I’ve got a problem or what it is that I am “looking at.” And to still others, who are in that same bar, standing just off to the side, I am “Get Him!
Demetri Martin
I went into a clothing store, and the lady asked me what size I was. I said, 'Actual'. I'm not to scale.
Demetri Martin
I equals all of the ifs added up over time. The ifs, those are the possibilities that's infinite for all of us. Every day there are just millions of them. Time, that's finite for each of us there is no question there. Maybe if you divide choices by the amount of time you have, the real I can emerge, depending upon those choices.
Demetri Martin
Popcorn is one of the only situations in which you eat the result of an explosion.
Demetri Martin
