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My friend named his car. And I don't want to be judgemental, but... what a dork.
Demetri Martin
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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Judgemental
Dork
Named
Car
Friend
Humor
Funny
More quotes by Demetri Martin
If you happen to catch on fire during the show, do not panic or wave your arms around or scream or we wil give something to panic and wave you arms around and scream about.
Demetri Martin
I didn't do improv in college, I never performed, I didn't do theater either. I was in student government, I was a history major.
Demetri Martin
The bird, the bee, the running child are all the same to the sliding glass door.
Demetri Martin
Never forget where you came from. That's what I think when I walk into a cave.
Demetri Martin
When I was a kid, I always wanted to live in California because I liked skateboarding.
Demetri Martin
I don't know what the long form of OK is. I wanna think it's okie dokie. 'I'm okie dokie. I'm a little shaken up, but I'm okie dokie.' 'The good news is, she's okie dokie. The surgery went fine.'
Demetri Martin
Automatic paper towel dispensers are a solution to something that was never a problem in the first place.
Demetri Martin
I wonder if, as a society, we will ever be able to call someone a jive tofurkey.
Demetri Martin
Halloween's my favorite holiday because you don't have to spend it with your family.
Demetri Martin
The sofa is the enemy of productivity.
Demetri Martin
In retrospect, everything is finite, but prospectively, there are infinite possibilities. I guess that's what makes life hopeful.
Demetri Martin
I would like to have windshield wipers that do the whole windshield, please.
Demetri Martin
I was on the train the other day, and I heard somebody say, I'm really good at checkers. That's the same thing as saying, I'm not good at very many things.
Demetri Martin
I never set out to do a sketch show.
Demetri Martin
I am a comedian but it's usually not a compliment to be called a prop comedian but I guess I sometimes use props. And I always confuse humorist with comedian. That's strange.
Demetri Martin
When I am holding a water balloon, so many things look so unnecessarily dry.
Demetri Martin
A cool tattoo design is any drawing that would also look good saggy.
Demetri Martin
What I've learned about my self over the years is that I'm pretty restless. If I multitask it's probably because I have difficulty just focusing on one thing.
Demetri Martin
Brought to you by raising your voice. The next best thing to being right.
Demetri Martin
One of my favorite clothing patterns is camouflage. Because when you're in the woods it makes you blend in. But when you're not it does just the opposite. It's like, 'Hey, there's an asshole.'
Demetri Martin
