Quote

One of my favorite clothing patterns is camouflage. Because when you're in the woods it makes you blend in. But when you're not it does just the opposite. It's like, 'Hey, there's an asshole.'

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Doe
Opposite
Like
Woods
Opposites
Camouflage
Patterns
Asshole
Favorite
Blend
Humor
Clothings
Funny
Clothing
Makes
Hey

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Popcorn is one of the only situations in which you eat the result of an explosion.
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A good name for a gang would be The Uneducated Idiot Tough Guys.
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My mind says one thing, but my body says another. Thanks a lot, Indian food and beer.
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I am a ceiling fan, especially during rain.
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I was stuck in traffic and I looked in the mirror and in the car behind me there was a couple having a horrible argument and right below their image it said Objects In Mirror Are Closer Than They Appear. I just thought, man I hope so because she was pretty mad.
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Statistics indicate that the average American is a guy named Brian who lives in Ohio.
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The shortest feedback loop I can think of is doing improvisation in front of an audience.
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I think it would be worse to get mauled by a dancing bear than just a regular bear because you can't totally blame the dancing bear.
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Americans who do not celebrate Independence Day: pets.
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I saw a transvestite wearing a T-shirt that said 'Guess'.
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Cotton candy is the perfect snack for when I'm in the mood to eat dry, scratchy fabric.
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A couple weeks ago I was on the street and I saw an ugly pregnant lady, and I just thought, 'Good for you.'
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Easy way to make someone sound less powerful, just put DJ in front of their name... ..DJ Abraham Lincoln
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If someone throws a pie at your face, just open your mouth really wide and say, 'Thanks for feeding me, a**hole.'
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I still like paper books. Like, book is a flammable object. After you read it, you could use it to get warm. Or it could become a pile of napkins.
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As soon as I jumped out of the airplane, I realized I had forgotten my parachute. Thank God we were still on the runway.
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I like birthdays because we celebrate life with cakes. It's so cool. Sometimes when I see a baby, I'm like that much more cake in the world. But then when someone dies, I'm like the cake streak is over.
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I like video games, but they are very violent. I want to create a video game in which you have to help all the characters who have died in the other games. 'Hey, man, what are you playing?' 'Super Busy Hospital. Could you leave me alone? I'm performing surgery! This guy got shot in the head, like, 27 times!'
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And as far as actors go, Peter Sellers is my all-time favorite.
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I think there's a difference between making comedy and reporting comedy. When you're a joke teller you can easily fall into the second, you can show up and just say the jokes.
Demetri Martin