Quote

One of my favorite clothing patterns is camouflage. Because when you're in the woods it makes you blend in. But when you're not it does just the opposite. It's like, 'Hey, there's an asshole.'

Demetri Martin

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TAGS & TOPICS

Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Makes
Hey
Doe
Opposite
Like
Woods
Opposites
Camouflage
Patterns
Asshole
Favorite
Blend
Humor
Clothings
Funny
Clothing

More quotes by Demetri Martin

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You are ten times more likely to get hit by a car when the driver is aiming for you.
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It is interesting that the black BMW is the preferred car of so many assholes.
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When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.
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Stand up is really fun because if I think of a joke or a funny idea, then I can just go and tell some people and if they laugh, they laugh right away.
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When watering your plants, try to talk to them - say something like, Hold it right there and then shoot them with water gun.
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I bought a dictionary. First thing I did was, I looked up the word dictionary, and it said you're an asshole.
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Halloween: the day each year when strangers give you even more specific reasons to dislike them based on what they are wearing.
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Leave no stone unturned in your quest to disrupt a rock garden.
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I went into a clothing store, and the lady asked me what size I was. I said, 'Actual'. I'm not to scale.
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Swimming is a confusing sport, because sometimes you do it for fun, and other times you do it to not die. And when I'm swimming, sometimes I'm not sure which one it is.
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A good name for a gang would be The Uneducated Idiot Tough Guys.
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As soon as I jumped out of the airplane, I realized I had forgotten my parachute. Thank God we were still on the runway.
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Checkers taught me that a King is a man with another man on top of him. But life taught me that that's actually called a Queen.
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A jerk on a motorcycle is equal to a leaf, because I find it beautiful when these things fall.
Demetri Martin
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I walk around and think about things. When I come across a thought that makes me laugh, I write it down. Then, at night, I say the thought to people through a microphone. I don't think about politics or pop culture very much, so those thoughts don't often make it to the microphone.
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If you want to dry hump someone you don't know, just act like they were choking.
Demetri Martin
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There are very few songs about just liking someone as a friend.
Demetri Martin
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I remember when I used to be really into nostalgia.
Demetri Martin
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I think it's cool when an ex-girlfriend becomes an XL girlfriend.
Demetri Martin
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Turtles are greater than baby nephews, because it's ok to drop a turtle.
Demetri Martin