Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
A couple weeks ago I was on the street and I saw an ugly pregnant lady, and I just thought, 'Good for you.'
Demetri Martin
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Couple
Humor
Pregnant
Week
Weeks
Funny
Lady
Thought
Ugly
Good
Street
Saws
Streets
More quotes by Demetri Martin
My friend has hand soap that smells like coconut. It's nice. Unless your hands are dirty from coconuts.
Demetri Martin
I think it would be frustrating to be a match maker. What do you do? I'm a match maker Aw, that's really romantic No, umm... I actually... never mind
Demetri Martin
Mosquito bites Jesus, receives communion.
Demetri Martin
As a comic, I think I'm very verbally oriented about a lot of the stuff that I've written or thought up and how I say it.
Demetri Martin
People and squirrels are very different. Most people will not argue that. But I find that there is one situation in which they're very similar. And that is: when I am driving towards them in my car. Then they're kind of hard to tell apart - especially if the human is kind of hairy.
Demetri Martin
What's this about rice milk? I didn't even know rice had nipples!
Demetri Martin
I think a lot of people who watch TV don't realize when they're watch TV shows and it says 'produced by' and producer, producer... there are all these producers. What the hell does a producer do? It's funny how much you have to worry about as a producer.
Demetri Martin
A know-it-all is a person who knows everything except for how annoying he is.
Demetri Martin
I like digital cameras, because they enable you to reminisce immediately.
Demetri Martin
You get really disillusioned, because you thought you were in love. But you realize that you're just alone.
Demetri Martin
A lot of things look cooler in slow motion. Eating isn't one of them.
Demetri Martin
Don't forget to turn your clocks back today if you don't want your clocks to be set to the right time.
Demetri Martin
I find that a shirt is most similar to a napkin when I don't have a napkin.
Demetri Martin
Swimming is a confusing sport, because sometimes you do it for fun, and other times you do it to not die. And when I'm swimming, sometimes I'm not sure which one it is.
Demetri Martin
I am sometimes referred to as Excuse Me in an annoyed tone of voice, because apparently I am in the way. I am so sorry. I am supposed to be some sort of mind reader, I guess. I am moving out of the way now as slowly as I possibly can. I am doing this and there's nothing you can do about it.
Demetri Martin
When I trip, I feel like that's the world saying come here for a second. It just pulls me closer for a second, yeah what do you want? I just want to remind you that you're uncoordinated. I'm aware of that, thank you... can I go now? Yeah, you can go, but never ever try to outrun me. Ok, world, see you later. Yeah, I'll see you in about 50 years.
Demetri Martin
I think there are so many little hurdles and impediments with stand-up that you'd need to have this insane desire to do it if you didn't have something that clicked right away.
Demetri Martin
People only mention it's a free country if they're doing something shitty.
Demetri Martin
The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.
Demetri Martin
The lord works in mysterious ways. Indeed. And a shorter way to say that is: God is a sneak.
Demetri Martin
