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A couple weeks ago I was on the street and I saw an ugly pregnant lady, and I just thought, 'Good for you.'

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Good
Street
Saws
Streets
Couple
Humor
Pregnant
Week
Weeks
Funny
Lady
Thought
Ugly

More quotes by Demetri Martin

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It's hard to know what's gay in life. Boxing. That's two men fighting over a belt.
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Automatic paper towel dispensers are a solution to something that was never a problem in the first place.
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I think if I pick the right thing to spend my time doing, then time moves differently, because I really can get fully immersed in things and feel very alive and challenged, but in a good way. I feel a sense of progress.
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When I was a kid, I always wanted to live in California because I liked skateboarding.
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If you stretched the average person's intestines out from end to end, it would make them scream a lot.
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The clothes make the man. The children working in sweatshops make the clothes. Therefore, the children working in sweatshops make the man.
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Another thing that I like and that's fun for me is to try and talk and play music at the same time, because I feel like I'm learning something. There are these little challenges built into it it's a way to push myself a little bit more as a performer.
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To look like you are a real sports fan, when there is a game on TV just yell, Oh, come on! every now and then at the TV.
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I went into a clothing store, and the lady asked me what size I was. I said, 'Actual'. I'm not to scale.
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For me and most of my friends who are comedians, if you've been doing comedy for a while, your tolerance for things actually moves. I find it very hard to be shocked, and when other people aggressively take offense to something, I'm sometimes confused.
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99.99% of all castles in America are located in fish tanks.
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People and squirrels are very different. Most people will not argue that. But I find that there is one situation in which they're very similar. And that is: when I am driving towards them in my car. Then they're kind of hard to tell apart - especially if the human is kind of hairy.
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One of my favorite clothing patterns is camouflage. Because when you're in the woods it makes you blend in. But when you're not it does just the opposite. It's like, 'Hey, there's an asshole.'
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The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.
Demetri Martin
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A dreamcatcher works, if your dream is to be gay.
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I don't think I ever wrote a song. I can write a lot of jokes, but when I try to write lyrics they're the most direct, non-figurative words, like, 'I like you, I like you,'... and that's it, for the whole song. People would go, 'Ooh, this guy's Dylan or something.' It gives me a lot more respect for songwriters, actually.
Demetri Martin
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I bought a new pair of pajamas with pockets, which is great, cause now i don't have to hold things when I sleep.
Demetri Martin
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I remember when I used to be really into nostalgia.
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I just listen to so much music that I like the role music can play in scoring something. I'm not doing song parodies or funny songs, I'm just adding some music to my words. So it's limited and specific, but as a performer I find it pretty enjoyable.
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There's an old Russian saying that goes some way or another. I don't know it. I don't speak Russian. But sometimes I think about it and wonder if it's relevant to what I'm going through at the time. Probably not. I mean what do Russian know about hunger, anyway?
Demetri Martin