Quote

I've heard of many chocoholics, but I ain't never seen no chocohol. We got an epidemic, people: people who like chocolate but don't understand word endings. They're probably over-workaholled.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Like
Probably
People
Seen
Heard
Word
Epidemic
Funny
Epidemics
Understand
Endings
Many
Chocolate
Never
Humor

More quotes by Demetri Martin

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People only mention it's a free country if they're doing something shitty.
Demetri Martin
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When I first heard the term 'training bra,' I was freaked out. I was pretty young and I said, 'Did you just say training bra? They're training their chests? I had no idea.' See some lady, her boobs are everywhere. 'What's her deal?' Those are untrained titties.
Demetri Martin
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I tend to avoid televisions, politics, and places with velvet ropes.
Demetri Martin
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A Wednesday with no rain is a dry hump day.
Demetri Martin
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You never forget your first kiss. And that's what makes it so hard to forgive my uncle.
Demetri Martin
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The clothes make the man. The children working in sweatshops make the clothes. Therefore, the children working in sweatshops make the man.
Demetri Martin
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The sofa is the enemy of productivity.
Demetri Martin
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Canoe plus waterfall equals I don't go camping anymore.
Demetri Martin
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I want to commit a crime during a reenactment, and turn it into an enactment.
Demetri Martin
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Statistics indicate that the average American is a guy named Brian who lives in Ohio.
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Sometimes it looks like I'm dancing, but it's just that I walked into a spider web.
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I was eating some candy and looked on the wrapper, and it said made from natural and artificial flavors. You could just say flavors.
Demetri Martin
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I'm very hip-oriented. I focus on hips in my comedy - probably more than any other hipster comic who is out there hipping today. My hips, other hips. I work with my hips a great deal. That is what I do. But not in a gay way.
Demetri Martin
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Right now someone out there is struggling and starting to panic because they can't get out of a tempurpedic bed.
Demetri Martin
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I think a lot of people who watch TV don't realize when they're watch TV shows and it says 'produced by' and producer, producer... there are all these producers. What the hell does a producer do? It's funny how much you have to worry about as a producer.
Demetri Martin
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I've often liked a girl, made her laugh, and thought she liked me, and then found out that she didn't like me that way. I've definitely done time in the friend zone.
Demetri Martin
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Turtles are greater than baby nephews, because it's ok to drop a turtle.
Demetri Martin
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I got into stand up just to do stand up because I love stand up.
Demetri Martin
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I've learned something on the road, traveling around: state shapes. The easier it is to draw the shape of the state, the harder it is to live in that state. So, if you live in a regular polygon, get the hell outta there. You gotta move to a squiggly area. Culture's attracted to squiggles.
Demetri Martin
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Usually, I walk around and think about things. When I come across a thought that makes me laugh, I write it down.
Demetri Martin