Quote

I've heard of many chocoholics, but I ain't never seen no chocohol. We got an epidemic, people: people who like chocolate but don't understand word endings. They're probably over-workaholled.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Funny
Epidemics
Understand
Endings
Many
Chocolate
Never
Humor
Like
Probably
People
Seen
Heard
Word
Epidemic

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It would be interesting if Elvis were reincarnated as an Elvis impersonator.
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Dogs seem more photogenic than cats. In photos most cats look like sociopaths.
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To some I am known as Chief. And these are usually people who work in Radio Shack or try to sell me shoes. To others I am known as Buddy. These are people who dwell in bars and wonder if I’ve got a problem or what it is that I am “looking at.” And to still others, who are in that same bar, standing just off to the side, I am “Get Him!
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Leave no stone unturned in your quest to disrupt a rock garden.
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They say that structure is freedom, and in a sense it is. When you're dealing with multiple constraints, you have to figure out what you can get out of that.
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Right now someone out there is struggling and starting to panic because they can't get out of a tempurpedic bed.
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The difference between a child's toy and an adult toy is: location, location, location.
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As soon as I jumped out of the airplane, I realized I had forgotten my parachute. Thank God we were still on the runway.
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A good name for a gang would be The Uneducated Idiot Tough Guys.
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Whenever I'm on my computer, I don't type 'lol'. I type 'lqtm' - laugh quietly to myself. It's more honest.
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It is impossible for a cyclops to wink.
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I was on the train the other day, and I heard somebody say, I'm really good at checkers. That's the same thing as saying, I'm not good at very many things.
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I think there's a difference between making comedy and reporting comedy. When you're a joke teller you can easily fall into the second, you can show up and just say the jokes.
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A refrigerator is the opposite of a drug addict, because a refrigerator starts in a box and then moves to a house.
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Having a beard is a good way to make your face more susceptible to velcro.
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I think, at first blush, the '60s always enticed me. There's something about the '60s, it's not hard to like it.
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My plumbing is all screwed up. Because it turns out, I do not own a garbage disposal.
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You are ten times more likely to get hit by a car when the driver is aiming for you.
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