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I've heard of many chocoholics, but I ain't never seen no chocohol. We got an epidemic, people: people who like chocolate but don't understand word endings. They're probably over-workaholled.
Demetri Martin
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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
People
Seen
Heard
Word
Epidemic
Funny
Epidemics
Understand
Endings
Many
Chocolate
Never
Humor
Like
Probably
More quotes by Demetri Martin
I just found out that I have more allies than America!
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Never forget where you came from. That's what I think when I walk into a cave.
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I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.
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Easy way to make someone sound less powerful, just put DJ in front of their name... ..DJ Abraham Lincoln
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I can always tell how stupid someone is by how certain they are about what they're saying.
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Never be less interesting than your refrigerator magnets.
Demetri Martin
I used to get bummed out when it rained then I realized that it's God's way of washing off hippies.
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There's an old Russian saying that goes some way or another. I don't know it. I don't speak Russian. But sometimes I think about it and wonder if it's relevant to what I'm going through at the time. Probably not. I mean what do Russian know about hunger, anyway?
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I like stand-up. But I'd also like a family and house and a yard. I want to work with a lot of people, have colleagues and on good film sets, there's people there that work with the same people for years and years. I love that collaborative spirit in that medium. Comedy is a lot more solitary.
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Do you have any Greek in you? That was just a tactful way of asking if you're pregnant. If you're not, then let's break up.
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A know-it-all is a person who knows everything except for how annoying he is.
Demetri Martin
I don't know if I'll ever be a master at anything, but I think that's a mistake for me personally. I don't know how much it's about the journey, but it's more about the process.
Demetri Martin
I live in New York and there are a lot of famous... pizzerias in my neighborhood, it's really hard to find one that isn't famous. Which sucks sometimes, you know what I mean, sometimes I don't want all that glitz and glamour, I just want something delicious, you know? I don't need a celebrity in my mouth, Ray's Up And Coming Pizza would be fine.
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Having a beard is a good way to make your face more susceptible to velcro.
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You get really disillusioned, because you thought you were in love. But you realize that you're just alone.
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People only mention it's a free country if they're doing something shitty.
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Whenever I throw caution to the wind I make sure I'm facing the right way so that it doesn't blow back and hit me in my face.
Demetri Martin
I ordered a wake-up call the other day. The phone rang and a woman's voice said, 'What the hell are you doing with your life?'
Demetri Martin
Small businesses are important, but so are tiny businesses.
Demetri Martin
Automatic paper towel dispensers are a solution to something that was never a problem in the first place.
Demetri Martin
