Quote

I've heard of many chocoholics, but I ain't never seen no chocohol. We got an epidemic, people: people who like chocolate but don't understand word endings. They're probably over-workaholled.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Understand
Endings
Many
Chocolate
Never
Humor
Like
Probably
People
Seen
Heard
Word
Epidemic
Funny
Epidemics

More quotes by Demetri Martin

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Easy way to make someone sound less powerful, just put DJ in front of their name... ..DJ Abraham Lincoln
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I learned this summer that peeing in the pool and peeing INTO the pool are very different things. Location, Location, Location.
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I saw a sign that said, 'Watch for children.' I was like, 'That sounds like a fair trade - especially if they're crappy kids.'
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Americans who do not celebrate Independence Day: pets.
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I was eating some candy and looked on the wrapper, and it said made from natural and artificial flavors. You could just say flavors.
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You are ten times more likely to get hit by a car when the driver is aiming for you.
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Sometimes if I really want to get someone's attention, I'll start a sentence with something like, I'm not racist, but... I say, I'm not racist, but you look great today. They say, That wasn't racist at all. I said, I know. I said I'm not racist. You never listen. Typical Mexican.
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When there's someone who's dead and then someone does something that that person would not have liked, they say that that person is spinning in their grave. But I don't understand why they say that. Why is spinning the way that a corpse shows disapproval?
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When I was a kid, I always wanted to live in California because I liked skateboarding.
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Vampire fad just won't die. Makes sense, I guess.
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A jerk on a motorcycle is equal to a leaf, because I find it beautiful when these things fall.
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I used to get bummed out when it rained then I realized that it's God's way of washing off hippies.
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There's an old Russian saying that goes some way or another. I don't know it. I don't speak Russian. But sometimes I think about it and wonder if it's relevant to what I'm going through at the time. Probably not. I mean what do Russian know about hunger, anyway?
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Popcorn is one of the only situations in which you eat the result of an explosion.
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To look like you are a real sports fan, when there is a game on TV just yell, Oh, come on! every now and then at the TV.
Demetri Martin
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It's interesting to be an adult and to have that level of ignorance about something, because the nice part about is you get that discovery. The learning curve is so rich and steep.
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The difference between a child's toy and an adult toy is: location, location, location.
Demetri Martin
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When I am at rodeo I find it difficult not to root for the animals.
Demetri Martin
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Socrates became a trendsetter. Other philosophers, including Plato and Aristotle and Gus, quickly followed suit, dropping their last names too. And, for centuries after that there would be countless imitators including oltaire, Michelangelo, and, much later, Cher.
Demetri Martin
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I just found out that I have more allies than America!
Demetri Martin