Quote

I got some new pajamas with pockets in 'em. Which is great, because before that, I used to have to hold stuff when I slept. But now I'm like, 'Where's my planner? There it is. Keep sleeping. All right, perfect.'

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Like
Sleep
Planners
Perfect
Pajamas
Funny
Slept
Stuff
Ems
Keep
Sleeping
Used
Pockets
Right
Humor
Great
Hold
Planner

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The shortest feedback loop I can think of is doing improvisation in front of an audience.
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I want to commit a crime during a reenactment, and turn it into an enactment.
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Vampire fad just won't die. Makes sense, I guess.
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If only loud people were even half as interesting as they think they are.
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I wish I lived next to Carnegie Hall. Then, if someone asked me how to get to my house, I would just say 'Practice, practice, practice, and then take a left.'
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Separate but equal is terrible for education but it's perfect for eyebrows.
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I can always tell how stupid someone is by how certain they are about what they're saying.
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I was a good student when I was a kid, and I did everything I was supposed to do, and I got A's.
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There's a very fine line between giving someone the Heimlich maneuver and dry-humping a stranger.
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When I first heard the term 'training bra,' I was freaked out. I was pretty young and I said, 'Did you just say training bra? They're training their chests? I had no idea.' See some lady, her boobs are everywhere. 'What's her deal?' Those are untrained titties.
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I bought a dictionary. First thing I did was, I looked up the word dictionary, and it said you're an asshole.
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It is impossible for a cyclops to wink.
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They say that structure is freedom, and in a sense it is. When you're dealing with multiple constraints, you have to figure out what you can get out of that.
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Never forget where you came from. That's what I think when I walk into a cave.
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Usually, I walk around and think about things. When I come across a thought that makes me laugh, I write it down.
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You mock those who blindly follow the majority...turn your attention now to those who are so dedicated to deviating from the norm that they would gladly cease breathing if it were suggested to them that inhalation was a form of conformity for they deserve just as much scrutiny and ridicule.
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It's interesting to be an adult and to have that level of ignorance about something, because the nice part about is you get that discovery. The learning curve is so rich and steep.
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