Quote

I got some new pajamas with pockets in 'em. Which is great, because before that, I used to have to hold stuff when I slept. But now I'm like, 'Where's my planner? There it is. Keep sleeping. All right, perfect.'

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Great
Hold
Planner
Like
Sleep
Planners
Perfect
Pajamas
Funny
Slept
Stuff
Ems
Keep
Sleeping
Used
Pockets
Right
Humor

More quotes by Demetri Martin

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Turtles are greater than baby nephews, because it's ok to drop a turtle.
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Right now someone out there is struggling and starting to panic because they can't get out of a tempurpedic bed.
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I was a good student when I was a kid, and I did everything I was supposed to do, and I got A's.
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I don't like thank you cards because I don't know what else to say. What do I put on the inside? See Front.
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Sometimes it looks like I'm dancing, but it's just that I walked into a spider web.
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It is a little ironic that one thing a babysitter should not do is sit on a baby.
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I think a lot of people who watch TV don't realize when they're watch TV shows and it says 'produced by' and producer, producer... there are all these producers. What the hell does a producer do? It's funny how much you have to worry about as a producer.
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The best way to make somebody feel important is to try to assassinate them.
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Planning trip around the globe, that is in my room.
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I am a comedian but it's usually not a compliment to be called a prop comedian but I guess I sometimes use props. And I always confuse humorist with comedian. That's strange.
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I do come across people who don't like me, don't like my comedy, don't think it's funny, it's too cutesy, or whatever they hate. And it's like, Okay. That's your opinion. Somebody liked it, so that's good. Hopefully it balances out.
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Statistics indicate that the average American is a guy named Brian who lives in Ohio.
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Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time.
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I just started doing this one-man show, and I wanted to be able to score it, so I bought a guitar, and got a keyboard and got a harmonica. I remember when I started that I didn't understand why a harmonica had different letters on them.
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To look like you are a real sports fan, when there is a game on TV just yell, Oh, come on! every now and then at the TV.
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Never be less interesting than your refrigerator magnets.
Demetri Martin
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If you drink enough beer, everything turns in to a bed.
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Rock is fine. No structural damage to rock. Rock can break through paper at any point. Just say the word. Paper sucks.
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They say it's lonely at the top. It must be even lonelier at the tippy top.
Demetri Martin
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I just found out that I have more allies than America!
Demetri Martin