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I got some new pajamas with pockets in 'em. Which is great, because before that, I used to have to hold stuff when I slept. But now I'm like, 'Where's my planner? There it is. Keep sleeping. All right, perfect.'
Demetri Martin
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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Like
Sleep
Planners
Perfect
Pajamas
Funny
Slept
Stuff
Ems
Keep
Sleeping
Used
Pockets
Right
Humor
Great
Hold
Planner
More quotes by Demetri Martin
A jerk on a motorcycle is equal to a leaf, because I find it beautiful when these things fall.
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Your mind is like a sponge, in the sense that it would come in handy when cleaning off a countertop or something like that.
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The difference between a child's toy and an adult toy is: location, location, location.
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Cotton candy is the perfect snack for when I'm in the mood to eat dry, scratchy fabric.
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I've heard of many chocoholics, but I ain't never seen no chocohol. We got an epidemic, people: people who like chocolate but don't understand word endings. They're probably over-workaholled.
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If I could control the behavior of fat guys I would make them ride mopeds more often.
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If you drink enough beer, everything turns in to a bed.
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And as far as actors go, Peter Sellers is my all-time favorite.
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When someone shows you a picture of their kids what they don't want to hear is Oh, yeah, I got pictures of your kid too.
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I am everything and I am nothing. I am just kidding I am not everything and nothing. That would be ridiculous. I am just everything.
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It is a little ironic that one thing a babysitter should not do is sit on a baby.
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I would like to have windshield wipers that do the whole windshield, please.
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Swimming is a confusing sport, because sometimes you do it for fun, and other times you do it to not die. And when I'm swimming, sometimes I'm not sure which one it is.
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The boomerang is Australia's chief export (and then import).
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I'm so secretive that when someone asks me, Hey, can you keep a secret? I say That's none of your business.
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There are very few songs about just liking someone as a friend.
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A good name for a gang would be The Uneducated Idiot Tough Guys.
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I wonder if there were any goths in gothic times. They're like: You look completely appropriate. You don't look stupid or lonely at all.
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Yes, okay, it's cool to be quirky, maybe, on the side. Do some puzzles, make puzzles, whatever, learn how to ride a unicycle. That's cool when it's on the side and you have a plan. What happens when you remove the plan? What you're left with is a guy who likes to do anagrams. And doesn't have a job... Sweet, that's a catch.
Demetri Martin
Once I started to look i finally began to see.
Demetri Martin
