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I want to get the joke to work without having to put any words or to say anything. I just want the person to look at it, and quietly in their brain, they can just put it together and say, Cool, that one works.
Demetri Martin
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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Persons
Joke
Person
Cool
Look
Jokes
Without
Works
Looks
Brain
Work
Words
Together
Anything
Quietly
More quotes by Demetri Martin
You never forget your first kiss. And that's what makes it so hard to forgive my uncle.
Demetri Martin
I think it would be worse to get mauled by a dancing bear than just a regular bear because you can't totally blame the dancing bear.
Demetri Martin
I have fun acting, and I want to do more of it, and I want to direct my own movie.
Demetri Martin
We do not allow dwarf tossing. If you toss a dwarf, the dwarf will be tossed right back at you, but faster.
Demetri Martin
A good name for a gang would be The Uneducated Idiot Tough Guys.
Demetri Martin
I was seeing this girl and she wanted to get more serious. But I wasn't ready to, I had just gotten out of a difficult relationship before that. So I said to her, 'Listen, you have to understand something. Relationships are like eyebrows. It's better when there's a space between them.' And that's coming from a Greek guy.
Demetri Martin
I ordered a wake-up call the other day. The phone rang and a woman's voice said, 'What the hell are you doing with your life?'
Demetri Martin
The chances of someone who looks like Jesus having pot raises steadily, to a point. If the guy is on a cross you may have the wrong guy.
Demetri Martin
My plumbing is all screwed up. Because it turns out, I do not own a garbage disposal.
Demetri Martin
Small businesses are important, but so are tiny businesses.
Demetri Martin
I think a lot of stuff I find funny is from day dreaming.
Demetri Martin
I think, at first blush, the '60s always enticed me. There's something about the '60s, it's not hard to like it.
Demetri Martin
I thought I would, you know, go to college, get to law school, finish, and then get a job and work as a lawyer, but that proved to be not a good fit for me.
Demetri Martin
A know-it-all is a person who knows everything except for how annoying he is.
Demetri Martin
I want to launch a globe into space just to mess with the astronauts.
Demetri Martin
I equals all of the ifs added up over time. The ifs, those are the possibilities that's infinite for all of us. Every day there are just millions of them. Time, that's finite for each of us there is no question there. Maybe if you divide choices by the amount of time you have, the real I can emerge, depending upon those choices.
Demetri Martin
How to be a bouncer: be an asshole stand near a door.
Demetri Martin
I think a lot of people who watch TV don't realize when they're watch TV shows and it says 'produced by' and producer, producer... there are all these producers. What the hell does a producer do? It's funny how much you have to worry about as a producer.
Demetri Martin
And as far as actors go, Peter Sellers is my all-time favorite.
Demetri Martin
Don't forget to turn your clocks back today if you don't want your clocks to be set to the right time.
Demetri Martin
