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I want to get the joke to work without having to put any words or to say anything. I just want the person to look at it, and quietly in their brain, they can just put it together and say, Cool, that one works.
Demetri Martin
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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
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Works
Looks
Brain
Work
Words
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Anything
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Person
Cool
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Statistics indicate that the average American is a guy named Brian who lives in Ohio.
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This is a pie chart about procrastination.
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I am a man of my word… and that word is “unreliable.
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I wonder what the most intelligent thing ever said was that started with the word 'dude.' 'Dude, these are isotopes.' 'Dude, we removed your kidney. You're gonna be fine.' 'Dude, I am so stoked to win this Nobel Prize. I just wanna thank Kevin, and Turtle, and all my homies.'
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It would be interesting if Elvis were reincarnated as an Elvis impersonator.
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I am what I eat. And I am this especially when I bite my nails.
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The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.
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I like playing frisbee. It is the only sport where you can throw something at a person and it's okay.
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I saw a transvestite wearing a T-shirt that said 'Guess'.
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Right now someone out there is struggling and starting to panic because they can't get out of a tempurpedic bed.
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If only loud people were even half as interesting as they think they are.
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A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive.
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I have fun acting, and I want to do more of it, and I want to direct my own movie.
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I think a lot of stuff I find funny is from day dreaming.
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There's a store in my neighborhood called Futon World. I like that name, 'Futon World.' Makes me think of a magical place that gets less and less comfortable over time.
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I can always tell how stupid someone is by how certain they are about what they're saying.
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I find that a shirt is most similar to a napkin when I don't have a napkin.
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I didn't do improv in college, I never performed, I didn't do theater either. I was in student government, I was a history major.
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I like digital cameras, because they enable you to reminisce immediately.
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I don't like thank you cards because I don't know what else to say. What do I put on the inside? See Front.
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