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I am a comedian but it's usually not a compliment to be called a prop comedian but I guess I sometimes use props. And I always confuse humorist with comedian. That's strange.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Sometimes
Confuse
Always
Compliment
Comedian
Guess
Usually
Humorist
Strange
Prop
Called
Humorists
Use
Props

More quotes by Demetri Martin

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Never forget where you came from. That's what I think when I walk into a cave.
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I want to make a revolving door that says 'Pull' on it, just see how obedient people are.
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I like shorter jokes. I like fewer words. I think the more ideas there are the, the fewer words there should be.
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Your mind is like a sponge, in the sense that it would come in handy when cleaning off a countertop or something like that.
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I wonder if, as a society, we will ever be able to call someone a jive tofurkey.
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If you drink enough beer, everything turns in to a bed.
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You can say 'Thanks,' and you can say 'Thanks a Million' - but any number in between?
Demetri Martin
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I go the gym and I try to run on the treadmill and I listen to music but it doesn't motivate me enough. So I'm going to get a recording of a pack of wolves gaining on me. People would be like, 'Why is that guy crying on that treadmill over there?' 'I don't know, but he's been yelling, 'help' for like 20 minutes. He's getting a good workout.
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You are ten times more likely to get hit by a car when the driver is aiming for you.
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The key to life is balance, especially if you are on a ledge.
Demetri Martin
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My friend says touche way too much. He's a touche bag.
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The shortest feedback loop I can think of is doing improvisation in front of an audience.
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They say it's lonely at the top. It must be even lonelier at the tippy top.
Demetri Martin
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Whenever I throw caution to the wind I make sure I'm facing the right way so that it doesn't blow back and hit me in my face.
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Sometimes I feel like I'm being watched, but then I remember that my show was canceled three years ago.
Demetri Martin
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I want to get the joke to work without having to put any words or to say anything. I just want the person to look at it, and quietly in their brain, they can just put it together and say, Cool, that one works.
Demetri Martin
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I set a personal record on Christmas. I got my shopping done three weeks ahead of time. I had all the presents back at my apartment, I was halfway through wrapping them, and I realized, 'Damn, I used the wrong wrapping paper.' The paper I used said, 'Happy Birthday.' I didn't want to waste it, so I just wrote 'Jesus' on it.
Demetri Martin
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I am everything and I am nothing. I am just kidding I am not everything and nothing. That would be ridiculous. I am just everything.
Demetri Martin
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Leave no stone unturned in your quest to disrupt a rock garden.
Demetri Martin
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When I am given a multiple choice test I choose not to take it.
Demetri Martin