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The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you're signing somebody's cast.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Injury
Cast
Casts
Add
Somebody
Time
Signing
Easiest
Insult

More quotes by Demetri Martin

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I think a lot of people who watch TV don't realize when they're watch TV shows and it says 'produced by' and producer, producer... there are all these producers. What the hell does a producer do? It's funny how much you have to worry about as a producer.
Demetri Martin
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I like to stand near ATM machines, and when somebody types in their pin number, I go, 'Got it!' And then I run away.
Demetri Martin
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Mosquito bites Jesus, receives communion.
Demetri Martin
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Rock is fine. No structural damage to rock. Rock can break through paper at any point. Just say the word. Paper sucks.
Demetri Martin
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For me and most of my friends who are comedians, if you've been doing comedy for a while, your tolerance for things actually moves. I find it very hard to be shocked, and when other people aggressively take offense to something, I'm sometimes confused.
Demetri Martin
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I think there's a difference between making comedy and reporting comedy. When you're a joke teller you can easily fall into the second, you can show up and just say the jokes.
Demetri Martin
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I thought I would, you know, go to college, get to law school, finish, and then get a job and work as a lawyer, but that proved to be not a good fit for me.
Demetri Martin
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A cool tattoo design is any drawing that would also look good saggy.
Demetri Martin
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Leave no stone unturned in your quest to disrupt a rock garden.
Demetri Martin
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When I trip, I feel like that's the world saying come here for a second. It just pulls me closer for a second, yeah what do you want? I just want to remind you that you're uncoordinated. I'm aware of that, thank you... can I go now? Yeah, you can go, but never ever try to outrun me. Ok, world, see you later. Yeah, I'll see you in about 50 years.
Demetri Martin
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I think it would be cool if you were writing a ransom note on your computer, if the paper clip popped up and said, 'Looks like you're writing a ransom note. Need help? You should use more forceful language, you'll get more money.'
Demetri Martin
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I tend to avoid televisions, politics, and places with velvet ropes.
Demetri Martin
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I like when people wear a WWJD bracelet, because it's like an example of the first thing Jesus wouldn't do, probably.
Demetri Martin
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When I look up at the clouds I see so many animals, mostly sheep who have lost their limbs and heads.
Demetri Martin
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If you drink enough beer, everything turns in to a bed.
Demetri Martin
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A good name for a gang would be The Uneducated Idiot Tough Guys.
Demetri Martin
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I'm so secretive that when someone asks me, Hey, can you keep a secret? I say That's none of your business.
Demetri Martin
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They say that structure is freedom, and in a sense it is. When you're dealing with multiple constraints, you have to figure out what you can get out of that.
Demetri Martin
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I went into a clothing store, and the lady asked me what size I was. I said, 'Actual'. I'm not to scale.
Demetri Martin
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I was seeing this girl and she wanted to get more serious. But I wasn't ready to, I had just gotten out of a difficult relationship before that. So I said to her, 'Listen, you have to understand something. Relationships are like eyebrows. It's better when there's a space between them.' And that's coming from a Greek guy.
Demetri Martin