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I need to develop some patience - immediately.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Immediately
Patience
Develop
Need
Needs

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I got into stand up just to do stand up because I love stand up.
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If I were blind, I'd wear a blindfold all the time.
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I love bowling almost as much as I love not bowling.
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If you want to dry hump someone you don't know, just act like they were choking.
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I still like paper books. Like, book is a flammable object. After you read it, you could use it to get warm. Or it could become a pile of napkins.
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At any minute, I am four minutes from a poncho.
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It's not enough to say I'm sorry. You have to also mean it. It's the same with saying I'm single.
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One of the most difficult and ironic murder weapons is the life jacket.
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How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.
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When I am holding a water balloon, so many things look so unnecessarily dry.
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What I've learned about my self over the years is that I'm pretty restless. If I multitask it's probably because I have difficulty just focusing on one thing.
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I never set out to do a sketch show.
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My mind says one thing, but my body says another. Thanks a lot, Indian food and beer.
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One of my favorite clothing patterns is camouflage. Because when you're in the woods it makes you blend in. But when you're not it does just the opposite. It's like, 'Hey, there's an asshole.'
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I'm a body builder, but I don't use weights. I use snacks. It's kind of a different building process.
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