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I need to develop some patience - immediately.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Needs
Immediately
Patience
Develop
Need

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Easy way to make someone sound less powerful, just put DJ in front of their name... ..DJ Abraham Lincoln
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When someone shows you a picture of their kids what they don't want to hear is Oh, yeah, I got pictures of your kid too.
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The shortest feedback loop I can think of is doing improvisation in front of an audience.
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I like to go to concerts because I love to see my favorite band through the phone of the asshole who's standing in front of me.
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When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.
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I was on the train the other day, and I heard somebody say, I'm really good at checkers. That's the same thing as saying, I'm not good at very many things.
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My mind says one thing, but my body says another. Thanks a lot, Indian food and beer.
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Overheard today in restaurant: Can you stop listening to our conversation?
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The difference between a child's toy and an adult toy is: location, location, location.
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Earrings are the same as sneezes: Two is okay, but ten in a row is annoying. If you have two then, God bless you.
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Futon World - a wonderful place that becomes slowly less comfortable over time.
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I'm a body builder, but I don't use weights. I use snacks. It's kind of a different building process.
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I like digital cameras, because they enable you to reminisce immediately.
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Surprise parties are strange 'cause people jump up and they yell the word, 'surprise' at the party. I came home and you emerged from my furniture. You don't have to tell me how to feel. I don't need a hint.
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Sometimes I feel like I'm being watched, but then I remember that my show was canceled three years ago.
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I want to get the joke to work without having to put any words or to say anything. I just want the person to look at it, and quietly in their brain, they can just put it together and say, Cool, that one works.
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Yes, okay, it's cool to be quirky, maybe, on the side. Do some puzzles, make puzzles, whatever, learn how to ride a unicycle. That's cool when it's on the side and you have a plan. What happens when you remove the plan? What you're left with is a guy who likes to do anagrams. And doesn't have a job... Sweet, that's a catch.
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Swimming is a confusing sport, because sometimes you do it for fun, and other times you do it to not die. And when I'm swimming, sometimes I'm not sure which one it is.
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If I make my window ten days for stand-up, the conclusion is that I failed and that I'm not good at stand-up. If I make it ten years - if I just wait - the conclusion might be something totally different. I think it's so cool to do things in which you discover the malleability of your own mind.
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When people show me pictures of their kids, it's okay. But when I give them a picture of me, to show to their kids, I'm weird. What kind of one way street is that?
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