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I need to develop some patience - immediately.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Immediately
Patience
Develop
Need
Needs

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One thing you never hear is Man that guy is good at badminton.
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I am a man of my word… and that word is “unreliable.
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I think since I was kid people told me that they thought I was funny.
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I was seeing this girl and she wanted to get more serious. But I wasn't ready to, I had just gotten out of a difficult relationship before that. So I said to her, 'Listen, you have to understand something. Relationships are like eyebrows. It's better when there's a space between them.' And that's coming from a Greek guy.
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When I am holding a water balloon, so many things look so unnecessarily dry.
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My family was fine, it's just a different way of going about life. Creativity was not something that was isolated and identified and valued.
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One time I saw an old man in a hurry and I thought, 'That makes sense.'
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A parade looks like a bunch of people are excited about being in traffic.
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I am what I eat. And I am this especially when I bite my nails.
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I was a good student when I was a kid, and I did everything I was supposed to do, and I got A's.
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When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.
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I'm a body builder, but I don't use weights. I use snacks. It's kind of a different building process.
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Another thing that I like and that's fun for me is to try and talk and play music at the same time, because I feel like I'm learning something. There are these little challenges built into it it's a way to push myself a little bit more as a performer.
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To get strangers to hate you even faster, crank up the volume on that very interesting ringtone of yours.
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Sometimes I feel like I'm being watched, but then I remember that my show was canceled three years ago.
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Separate but equal is terrible for education but it's perfect for eyebrows.
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The problem with my balloon collection is that people always think there's a party. Settle down. It's not a party. It's just balloons.
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Surprise parties are strange 'cause people jump up and they yell the word, 'surprise' at the party. I came home and you emerged from my furniture. You don't have to tell me how to feel. I don't need a hint.
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I wonder if there were any goths in gothic times. They're like: You look completely appropriate. You don't look stupid or lonely at all.
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How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.
Demetri Martin