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Futon World - a wonderful place that becomes slowly less comfortable over time.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
World
Futon
Slowly
Comfortable
Becomes
Wonderful
Less
Place
Time
Futons

More quotes by Demetri Martin

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I just found out that I have more allies than America!
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My mind says one thing, but my body says another. Thanks a lot, Indian food and beer.
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It's Thursday and it really feels like a Thursday. Sometimes things just work out.
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When I look up at the clouds I see so many animals, mostly sheep who have lost their limbs and heads.
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Americans who do not celebrate Independence Day: pets.
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It is interesting that the black BMW is the preferred car of so many assholes.
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I learned this summer that peeing in the pool and peeing INTO the pool are very different things. Location, Location, Location.
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If someone throws a pie at your face, just open your mouth really wide and say, 'Thanks for feeding me, a**hole.'
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I like birthdays because we celebrate life with cakes. It's so cool. Sometimes when I see a baby, I'm like that much more cake in the world. But then when someone dies, I'm like the cake streak is over.
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One time I saw an old man in a hurry and I thought, 'That makes sense.'
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The lord works in mysterious ways. Indeed. And a shorter way to say that is: God is a sneak.
Demetri Martin
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Last week I lost my temper in my karate class. Man, I'm not doing that again until I'm a black belt. Because I can tell you there's a difference between taking karate and receiving karate.
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I would like to have windshield wipers that do the whole windshield, please.
Demetri Martin
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If I could control the behavior of fat guys I would make them ride mopeds more often.
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At any minute, I am four minutes from a poncho.
Demetri Martin
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I believe in empathy. When religion provides that for people, it's the best thing in the world.
Demetri Martin
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The clothes make the man. The children working in sweatshops make the clothes. Therefore, the children working in sweatshops make the man.
Demetri Martin
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I wonder if there were any goths in gothic times. They're like: You look completely appropriate. You don't look stupid or lonely at all.
Demetri Martin
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The difference between a child's toy and an adult toy is: location, location, location.
Demetri Martin
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I can always tell how stupid someone is by how certain they are about what they're saying.
Demetri Martin