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I love motor learning because it's very basic and primal. A lot of what I like to learn correlates with the opposite of what gets you laid. I can ride a unicycle and I can juggle. These are unimpressive things to know.
Demetri Martin
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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
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Basic
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Juggle
Learning
Primal
Learn
Motor
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What's this about rice milk? I didn't even know rice had nipples!
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I set a personal record on Christmas. I got my shopping done three weeks ahead of time. I had all the presents back at my apartment, I was halfway through wrapping them, and I realized, 'Damn, I used the wrong wrapping paper.' The paper I used said, 'Happy Birthday.' I didn't want to waste it, so I just wrote 'Jesus' on it.
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To me, comedy is a game.
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I like when people wear a WWJD bracelet, because it's like an example of the first thing Jesus wouldn't do, probably.
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I like video games, but they are very violent. I want to create a video game in which you have to help all the characters who have died in the other games. 'Hey, man, what are you playing?' 'Super Busy Hospital. Could you leave me alone? I'm performing surgery! This guy got shot in the head, like, 27 times!'
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I like playing frisbee. It is the only sport where you can throw something at a person and it's okay.
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I tend to avoid televisions, politics, and places with velvet ropes.
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If I ever saw an amputee getting hanged, I'd probably just start calling out letters.
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If I could control the behavior of fat guys I would make them ride mopeds more often.
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I just started doing this one-man show, and I wanted to be able to score it, so I bought a guitar, and got a keyboard and got a harmonica. I remember when I started that I didn't understand why a harmonica had different letters on them.
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I wonder if there were any goths in gothic times. They're like: You look completely appropriate. You don't look stupid or lonely at all.
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I care about politics, but I have a tough time making comedy out of it. I was so happy to have a chance to be on The Daily Show, and I think Jon Stewart's so funny... but mostly in my own comedy, I care about less relevant things.
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Having a beard is a good way to make your face more susceptible to velcro.
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Statistics indicate that the average American is a guy named Brian who lives in Ohio.
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