Quote

I love motor learning because it's very basic and primal. A lot of what I like to learn correlates with the opposite of what gets you laid. I can ride a unicycle and I can juggle. These are unimpressive things to know.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Opposites
Basic
Correlates
Gets
Juggle
Learning
Primal
Learn
Motor
Things
Laid
Love
Ride
Like
Opposite

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The boomerang is Australia's chief export (and then import).
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I don't think I ever wrote a song. I can write a lot of jokes, but when I try to write lyrics they're the most direct, non-figurative words, like, 'I like you, I like you,'... and that's it, for the whole song. People would go, 'Ooh, this guy's Dylan or something.' It gives me a lot more respect for songwriters, actually.
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I was seeing this girl and she wanted to get more serious. But I wasn't ready to, I had just gotten out of a difficult relationship before that. So I said to her, 'Listen, you have to understand something. Relationships are like eyebrows. It's better when there's a space between them.' And that's coming from a Greek guy.
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I wanna put stickers on turtles... I don't know why.
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Separate but equal is terrible for education but it's perfect for eyebrows.
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It seems that man's greatest natural enemy is the target.
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If you remove a treehouse from a tree, than it's just a shitty house. Sometimes when i'm in a shitty house, I like to imagine that it's in a tree, than it's like Woah, this house is amazing.
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A parade looks like a bunch of people are excited about being in traffic.
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I went into a clothing store, and the lady asked me what size I was. I said, 'Actual'. I'm not to scale.
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Whenever I see an autobiography for sale in the book store i just flip to the about the author section. I'm like, Done, next!
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Another thing that I like and that's fun for me is to try and talk and play music at the same time, because I feel like I'm learning something. There are these little challenges built into it it's a way to push myself a little bit more as a performer.
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Turtles are greater than baby nephews, because it's ok to drop a turtle.
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I live in New York and there are a lot of famous... pizzerias in my neighborhood, it's really hard to find one that isn't famous. Which sucks sometimes, you know what I mean, sometimes I don't want all that glitz and glamour, I just want something delicious, you know? I don't need a celebrity in my mouth, Ray's Up And Coming Pizza would be fine.
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I am a man of my word… and that word is “unreliable.
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Brought to you by raising your voice. The next best thing to being right.
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I am a comedian but it's usually not a compliment to be called a prop comedian but I guess I sometimes use props. And I always confuse humorist with comedian. That's strange.
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Swimming is a confusing sport, because sometimes you do it for fun, and other times you do it to not die. And when I'm swimming, sometimes I'm not sure which one it is.
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And as far as actors go, Peter Sellers is my all-time favorite.
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There's a very fine line between giving someone the Heimlich maneuver and dry-humping a stranger.
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One time I saw an old man in a hurry and I thought, 'That makes sense.'
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