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I think there are so many little hurdles and impediments with stand-up that you'd need to have this insane desire to do it if you didn't have something that clicked right away.
Demetri Martin
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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Insane
Right
Stand
Many
Desire
Needs
Away
Something
Didn
Clicked
Think
Littles
Hurdles
Thinking
Impediments
Little
Hurdle
Need
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Glitter is the herpes of craft supplies.
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My policy is 'No stone throwing regardless of housing situation.'
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Count your blessings, but not out-loud, at the top of your lungs.
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Futon World - a wonderful place that becomes slowly less comfortable over time.
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I think it's cool when an ex-girlfriend becomes an XL girlfriend.
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I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I am good at everything.
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To remove blood stains from your conscience try frozen margaritas.
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I was a good student when I was a kid, and I did everything I was supposed to do, and I got A's.
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I never went bungee jumping. The closest I did was I was born.
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A dreamcatcher works, if your dream is to be gay.
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I live in New York and there are a lot of famous... pizzerias in my neighborhood, it's really hard to find one that isn't famous. Which sucks sometimes, you know what I mean, sometimes I don't want all that glitz and glamour, I just want something delicious, you know? I don't need a celebrity in my mouth, Ray's Up And Coming Pizza would be fine.
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I got myself a really nice nib pen, with like 15 kinds of India Ink, and tons of different nibs I think I was just procrastinating, like, once I have the right nib, the book is just going to jump right out of my fingertips... but then it just ended up looking like the shitty drawings that I usually do.
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Man is the most powerful creature on the planet. And we're arrogant. I mean, people own birds. It's like, there's a creature with the gift of flight. I want it. I'm going to put it in my kitchen and make it crap on old information.
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I'm very hip-oriented. I focus on hips in my comedy - probably more than any other hipster comic who is out there hipping today. My hips, other hips. I work with my hips a great deal. That is what I do. But not in a gay way.
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Artistically, I find jokes really satisfying aesthetically, because there's something great about getting an idea down to a sentence or two.
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When I look up at the clouds I see so many animals, mostly sheep who have lost their limbs and heads.
Demetri Martin
If you drink enough beer, everything turns in to a bed.
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If I could control the behavior of fat guys I would make them ride mopeds more often.
Demetri Martin
I am everything and I am nothing. I am just kidding I am not everything and nothing. That would be ridiculous. I am just everything.
Demetri Martin
I was making pancakes the other day and a fly flew into the kitchen. And that's when I realized that a spatula is a lot like a fly-swatter. And a crushed fly is a lot like a blueberry. And a roommate is a lot like a fly eater.
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