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I think there are so many little hurdles and impediments with stand-up that you'd need to have this insane desire to do it if you didn't have something that clicked right away.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Need
Hurdle
Right
Insane
Many
Stand
Needs
Desire
Something
Away
Think
Didn
Clicked
Thinking
Littles
Hurdles
Little
Impediments

More quotes by Demetri Martin

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If you happen to catch on fire during the show, do not panic or wave your arms around or scream or we wil give something to panic and wave you arms around and scream about.
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A good name for a gang would be The Uneducated Idiot Tough Guys.
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Whenever I see an autobiography for sale in the book store i just flip to the about the author section. I'm like, Done, next!
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A parade looks like a bunch of people are excited about being in traffic.
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The shortest distance between two idiots is a conga line.
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I don't think I ever wrote a song. I can write a lot of jokes, but when I try to write lyrics they're the most direct, non-figurative words, like, 'I like you, I like you,'... and that's it, for the whole song. People would go, 'Ooh, this guy's Dylan or something.' It gives me a lot more respect for songwriters, actually.
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I thought I would, you know, go to college, get to law school, finish, and then get a job and work as a lawyer, but that proved to be not a good fit for me.
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This is a pie chart about procrastination.
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I'm a body builder, but I don't use weights. I use snacks. It's kind of a different building process.
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I bought a new pair of pajamas with pockets, which is great, cause now i don't have to hold things when I sleep.
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Specifically in stand-up, I love jokes. I love short, structured ideas and a punchline.
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I'm so secretive that when someone asks me, Hey, can you keep a secret? I say That's none of your business.
Demetri Martin
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We do not allow dwarf tossing. If you toss a dwarf, the dwarf will be tossed right back at you, but faster.
Demetri Martin
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I like digital cameras, because they enable you to reminisce immediately.
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When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.
Demetri Martin
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A cool tattoo design is any drawing that would also look good saggy.
Demetri Martin
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If I could control the behavior of fat guys I would make them ride mopeds more often.
Demetri Martin
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I was making pancakes the other day and a fly flew into the kitchen. And that's when I realized that a spatula is a lot like a fly-swatter. And a crushed fly is a lot like a blueberry. And a roommate is a lot like a fly eater.
Demetri Martin
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The lord works in mysterious ways. Indeed. And a shorter way to say that is: God is a sneak.
Demetri Martin
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When there's someone who's dead and then someone does something that that person would not have liked, they say that that person is spinning in their grave. But I don't understand why they say that. Why is spinning the way that a corpse shows disapproval?
Demetri Martin