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I think there are so many little hurdles and impediments with stand-up that you'd need to have this insane desire to do it if you didn't have something that clicked right away.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Thinking
Littles
Hurdles
Little
Impediments
Need
Hurdle
Right
Insane
Many
Stand
Needs
Desire
Something
Away
Think
Didn
Clicked

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The chances of someone who looks like Jesus having pot raises steadily, to a point. If the guy is on a cross you may have the wrong guy.
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I want to make a revolving door that says 'Pull' on it, just see how obedient people are.
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Whenever I investigate a smell, I find that the answer is always bad. It's never: 'What is that? *sniff* muffins!'
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Nothing wise was ever printed upon an apron.
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People and squirrels are very different. Most people will not argue that. But I find that there is one situation in which they're very similar. And that is: when I am driving towards them in my car. Then they're kind of hard to tell apart - especially if the human is kind of hairy.
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Usually, I walk around and think about things. When I come across a thought that makes me laugh, I write it down.
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One of the most difficult and ironic murder weapons is the life jacket.
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A dreamcatcher works, if your dream is to be gay.
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I am a man of my word… and that word is “unreliable.
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I want to get the joke to work without having to put any words or to say anything. I just want the person to look at it, and quietly in their brain, they can just put it together and say, Cool, that one works.
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I am a comedian but it's usually not a compliment to be called a prop comedian but I guess I sometimes use props. And I always confuse humorist with comedian. That's strange.
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A jerk on a motorcycle is equal to a leaf, because I find it beautiful when these things fall.
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And as far as actors go, Peter Sellers is my all-time favorite.
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I was seeing this girl and she wanted to get more serious. But I wasn't ready to, I had just gotten out of a difficult relationship before that. So I said to her, 'Listen, you have to understand something. Relationships are like eyebrows. It's better when there's a space between them.' And that's coming from a Greek guy.
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Stand up is really fun because if I think of a joke or a funny idea, then I can just go and tell some people and if they laugh, they laugh right away.
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People only mention it's a free country if they're doing something shitty.
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I love bowling almost as much as I love not bowling.
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I saw a sign that said, 'Watch for children.' I was like, 'That sounds like a fair trade - especially if they're crappy kids.'
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I went into a clothing store, and the lady asked me what size I was. I said, 'Actual'. I'm not to scale.
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