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I think there's a difference between making comedy and reporting comedy. When you're a joke teller you can easily fall into the second, you can show up and just say the jokes.
Demetri Martin
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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Making
Joke
Fall
Easily
Jokes
Shows
Difference
Think
Second
Thinking
Comedy
Differences
Teller
Show
Reporting
More quotes by Demetri Martin
I love motor learning because it's very basic and primal. A lot of what I like to learn correlates with the opposite of what gets you laid. I can ride a unicycle and I can juggle. These are unimpressive things to know.
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Easy way to make someone sound less powerful, just put DJ in front of their name... ..DJ Abraham Lincoln
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A lot of things look cooler in slow motion. Eating isn't one of them.
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Sometimes if I really want to get someone's attention, I'll start a sentence with something like, I'm not racist, but... I say, I'm not racist, but you look great today. They say, That wasn't racist at all. I said, I know. I said I'm not racist. You never listen. Typical Mexican.
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I was a good student when I was a kid, and I did everything I was supposed to do, and I got A's.
Demetri Martin
I like birthdays because we celebrate life with cakes. It's so cool. Sometimes when I see a baby, I'm like that much more cake in the world. But then when someone dies, I'm like the cake streak is over.
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My friend has hand soap that smells like coconut. It's nice. Unless your hands are dirty from coconuts.
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I don't know what the long form of OK is. I wanna think it's okie dokie. 'I'm okie dokie. I'm a little shaken up, but I'm okie dokie.' 'The good news is, she's okie dokie. The surgery went fine.'
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The shortest feedback loop I can think of is doing improvisation in front of an audience.
Demetri Martin
Sometimes I feel like I'm being watched, but then I remember that my show was canceled three years ago.
Demetri Martin
When someone asks you the question 'Are you ticklish' it doesn't matter if you say yes or no, cause they're going to touch you. If someone asks if you're ticklish and you don't want to be touched you should something like 'I have diarrhea, now don't touch me cause you'll make it come out... and yes I'm very ticklish'.
Demetri Martin
Do you have any Greek in you? That was just a tactful way of asking if you're pregnant. If you're not, then let's break up.
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Batteries are the most dramatic object. Other things stop working or they break, But Batteries... They Die.
Demetri Martin
I like digital cameras, because they enable you to reminisce immediately.
Demetri Martin
If I think of a joke that's really dirty and I think it's funny I'll try it but what I've found over the years is they just don't laugh. It doesn't work coming out of my mouth so it's like they taught me 'don't do that. Don't go that way or you'll lose me.'
Demetri Martin
It feels like every day or two, people on Twitter and the Internet are outraged about something.
Demetri Martin
When people show me pictures of their kids, it's okay. But when I give them a picture of me, to show to their kids, I'm weird. What kind of one way street is that?
Demetri Martin
Sometimes it looks like I'm dancing, but it's just that I walked into a spider web.
Demetri Martin
I'm always excited to try something I haven't done.
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Whenever I investigate a smell, I find that the answer is always bad. It's never: 'What is that? *sniff* muffins!'
Demetri Martin