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I think there's a difference between making comedy and reporting comedy. When you're a joke teller you can easily fall into the second, you can show up and just say the jokes.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Differences
Teller
Show
Reporting
Making
Joke
Fall
Easily
Shows
Jokes
Think
Difference
Thinking
Second
Comedy

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My mind says one thing, but my body says another. Thanks a lot, Indian food and beer.
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Canoe plus waterfall equals I don't go camping anymore.
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I was student council president in high school, and even in law school, I was vice-president of the student bar association.
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To get strangers to hate you even faster, crank up the volume on that very interesting ringtone of yours.
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The problem with my balloon collection is that people always think there's a party. Settle down. It's not a party. It's just balloons.
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I wasn't the class clown, but I was starting to become the crazy guy at law school, which is the guy who is not so much crazy as annoying.
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I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper. See, the paper I used said 'Happy Birthday' on it. I didn't want to waste it so I just wrote 'Jesus' on it.
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I can move objects with my mind, if I use my hands.
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For me and most of my friends who are comedians, if you've been doing comedy for a while, your tolerance for things actually moves. I find it very hard to be shocked, and when other people aggressively take offense to something, I'm sometimes confused.
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99.99% of all castles in America are located in fish tanks.
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I have an erratic drummer for anybody who's just listening to this, he can keep time, but just in spurts.
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You can say 'Thanks,' and you can say 'Thanks a Million' - but any number in between?
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I love motor learning because it's very basic and primal. A lot of what I like to learn correlates with the opposite of what gets you laid. I can ride a unicycle and I can juggle. These are unimpressive things to know.
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I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I am good at everything.
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I don't like thank you cards because I don't know what else to say. What do I put on the inside? See Front.
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I equals all of the ifs added up over time. The ifs, those are the possibilities that's infinite for all of us. Every day there are just millions of them. Time, that's finite for each of us there is no question there. Maybe if you divide choices by the amount of time you have, the real I can emerge, depending upon those choices.
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I live in New York and there are a lot of famous... pizzerias in my neighborhood, it's really hard to find one that isn't famous. Which sucks sometimes, you know what I mean, sometimes I don't want all that glitz and glamour, I just want something delicious, you know? I don't need a celebrity in my mouth, Ray's Up And Coming Pizza would be fine.
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I don't know if I'll ever be a master at anything, but I think that's a mistake for me personally. I don't know how much it's about the journey, but it's more about the process.
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When I trip, I feel like that's the world saying come here for a second. It just pulls me closer for a second, yeah what do you want? I just want to remind you that you're uncoordinated. I'm aware of that, thank you... can I go now? Yeah, you can go, but never ever try to outrun me. Ok, world, see you later. Yeah, I'll see you in about 50 years.
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I want to commit a crime during a reenactment, and turn it into an enactment.
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