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What I've learned about my self over the years is that I'm pretty restless. If I multitask it's probably because I have difficulty just focusing on one thing.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Learned
Pretty
Probably
Self
Thing
Multitask
Years
Focusing
Restless
Difficulty

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I wanna design a video game where you'd have to take care of all the people shot in all the other video games.
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Mosquito bites Jesus, receives communion.
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Leave no stone unturned in your quest to disrupt a rock garden.
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A lot of things look cooler in slow motion. Eating isn't one of them.
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Statistics indicate that the average American is a guy named Brian who lives in Ohio.
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To me, comedy is a game.
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Earrings are the same as sneezes: Two is okay, but ten in a row is annoying. If you have two then, God bless you.
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I think if I pick the right thing to spend my time doing, then time moves differently, because I really can get fully immersed in things and feel very alive and challenged, but in a good way. I feel a sense of progress.
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If only loud people were even half as interesting as they think they are.
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A human head looks the least scary when it is attached.
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Usually, I walk around and think about things. When I come across a thought that makes me laugh, I write it down.
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At any minute, I am four minutes from a poncho.
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You mock those who blindly follow the majority...turn your attention now to those who are so dedicated to deviating from the norm that they would gladly cease breathing if it were suggested to them that inhalation was a form of conformity for they deserve just as much scrutiny and ridicule.
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To get strangers to hate you even faster, crank up the volume on that very interesting ringtone of yours.
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I believe in empathy. When religion provides that for people, it's the best thing in the world.
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When watering your plants, try to talk to them - say something like, Hold it right there and then shoot them with water gun.
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To some I am known as Chief. And these are usually people who work in Radio Shack or try to sell me shoes. To others I am known as Buddy. These are people who dwell in bars and wonder if I’ve got a problem or what it is that I am “looking at.” And to still others, who are in that same bar, standing just off to the side, I am “Get Him!
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People only mention it's a free country if they're doing something shitty.
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I got some new pajamas with pockets in 'em. Which is great, because before that, I used to have to hold stuff when I slept. But now I'm like, 'Where's my planner? There it is. Keep sleeping. All right, perfect.'
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When someone describes themself as a taxpayer, they're about to be an asshole.
Demetri Martin