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What I've learned about my self over the years is that I'm pretty restless. If I multitask it's probably because I have difficulty just focusing on one thing.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Self
Thing
Multitask
Years
Focusing
Restless
Difficulty
Learned
Pretty
Probably

More quotes by Demetri Martin

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Stand up is really fun because if I think of a joke or a funny idea, then I can just go and tell some people and if they laugh, they laugh right away.
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Never be less interesting than your refrigerator magnets.
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It's hard to know what's gay in life. Boxing. That's two men fighting over a belt.
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I don't know what the long form of OK is. I wanna think it's okie dokie. 'I'm okie dokie. I'm a little shaken up, but I'm okie dokie.' 'The good news is, she's okie dokie. The surgery went fine.'
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It is impossible for a cyclops to wink.
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I wanna design a video game where you'd have to take care of all the people shot in all the other video games.
Demetri Martin
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There are very few songs about just liking someone as a friend.
Demetri Martin
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I believe in empathy. When religion provides that for people, it's the best thing in the world.
Demetri Martin
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Whenever I investigate a smell, I find that the answer is always bad. It's never: 'What is that? *sniff* muffins!'
Demetri Martin
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I was stuck in traffic and I looked in the mirror and in the car behind me there was a couple having a horrible argument and right below their image it said Objects In Mirror Are Closer Than They Appear. I just thought, man I hope so because she was pretty mad.
Demetri Martin
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Why are there not positive mysteries? It's always who stole the diamond, or who killed the butler? How about... who made cookies, somebody cleaned my room.
Demetri Martin
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I was making pancakes the other day and a fly flew into the kitchen. And that's when I realized that a spatula is a lot like a fly-swatter. And a crushed fly is a lot like a blueberry. And a roommate is a lot like a fly eater.
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When watering your plants, try to talk to them - say something like, Hold it right there and then shoot them with water gun.
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If I could control the behavior of fat guys I would make them ride mopeds more often.
Demetri Martin
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99.99% of all castles in America are located in fish tanks.
Demetri Martin
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I like shorter jokes. I like fewer words. I think the more ideas there are the, the fewer words there should be.
Demetri Martin
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I don't know if I'll ever be a master at anything, but I think that's a mistake for me personally. I don't know how much it's about the journey, but it's more about the process.
Demetri Martin
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I am sometimes referred to as Excuse Me in an annoyed tone of voice, because apparently I am in the way. I am so sorry. I am supposed to be some sort of mind reader, I guess. I am moving out of the way now as slowly as I possibly can. I am doing this and there's nothing you can do about it.
Demetri Martin
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I think it's cool when an ex-girlfriend becomes an XL girlfriend.
Demetri Martin
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Mosquito bites Jesus, receives communion.
Demetri Martin