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I wasn't the class clown, but I was starting to become the crazy guy at law school, which is the guy who is not so much crazy as annoying.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Wasn
Crazy
Class
Guy
Law
Become
Clown
School
Annoying
Much
Starting

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My friend says touche way too much. He's a touche bag.
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We do not allow dwarf tossing. If you toss a dwarf, the dwarf will be tossed right back at you, but faster.
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I was a good student when I was a kid, and I did everything I was supposed to do, and I got A's.
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99.99% of all castles in America are located in fish tanks.
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My plumbing is all screwed up. Because it turns out, I do not own a garbage disposal.
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I went into a clothing store, and the lady asked me what size I was. I said, 'Actual'. I'm not to scale.
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Easy way to make someone sound less powerful, just put DJ in front of their name... ..DJ Abraham Lincoln
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I like parties, but I don't like piñatas because the pinata promotes violence against flamboyant animals. Hey, there's a donkey with some pizzazz. Let's kick its ass.
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I believe in empathy. When religion provides that for people, it's the best thing in the world.
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Specifically in stand-up, I love jokes. I love short, structured ideas and a punchline.
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When I am given a multiple choice test I choose not to take it.
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I can always tell how stupid someone is by how certain they are about what they're saying.
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If you drink enough beer, everything turns in to a bed.
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I don't know what the long form of OK is. I wanna think it's okie dokie. 'I'm okie dokie. I'm a little shaken up, but I'm okie dokie.' 'The good news is, she's okie dokie. The surgery went fine.'
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Timing is everything. That's a cliche. Now. If I'd said that a long time ago, I'd have been original.
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I think there are so many little hurdles and impediments with stand-up that you'd need to have this insane desire to do it if you didn't have something that clicked right away.
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A refrigerator is the opposite of a drug addict, because a refrigerator starts in a box and then moves to a house.
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I like to go to concerts because I love to see my favorite band through the phone of the asshole who's standing in front of me.
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Leave no stone unturned in your quest to disrupt a rock garden.
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People only mention it's a free country if they're doing something shitty.
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