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I wasn't the class clown, but I was starting to become the crazy guy at law school, which is the guy who is not so much crazy as annoying.
Demetri Martin
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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Wasn
Crazy
Class
Guy
Law
Become
Clown
School
Annoying
Much
Starting
More quotes by Demetri Martin
Specifically in stand-up, I love jokes. I love short, structured ideas and a punchline.
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I am everything and I am nothing. I am just kidding I am not everything and nothing. That would be ridiculous. I am just everything.
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This is a pie chart about procrastination.
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I've never read an article of clothing.
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Timing is everything. That's a cliche. Now. If I'd said that a long time ago, I'd have been original.
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I am what I eat. And I am this especially when I bite my nails.
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I still like paper books. Like, book is a flammable object. After you read it, you could use it to get warm. Or it could become a pile of napkins.
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I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.
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Mosquito bites Jesus, receives communion.
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The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you're signing somebody's cast.
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Leave no stone unturned in your quest to disrupt a rock garden.
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To me, comedy is a game.
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If you remove a treehouse from a tree, than it's just a shitty house. Sometimes when i'm in a shitty house, I like to imagine that it's in a tree, than it's like Woah, this house is amazing.
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It feels like every day or two, people on Twitter and the Internet are outraged about something.
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It's interesting to be an adult and to have that level of ignorance about something, because the nice part about is you get that discovery. The learning curve is so rich and steep.
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The earth without art is just eh.
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I am a man of my word… and that word is “unreliable.
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Statistics indicate that the average American is a guy named Brian who lives in Ohio.
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Halloween: the day each year when strangers give you even more specific reasons to dislike them based on what they are wearing.
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They say that structure is freedom, and in a sense it is. When you're dealing with multiple constraints, you have to figure out what you can get out of that.
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