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I can move objects with my mind, if I use my hands.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Use
Hands
Mind
Objects
Move
Moving

More quotes by Demetri Martin

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It feels like every day or two, people on Twitter and the Internet are outraged about something.
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I tend to avoid televisions, politics, and places with velvet ropes.
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I was seeing this girl and she wanted to get more serious. But I wasn't ready to, I had just gotten out of a difficult relationship before that. So I said to her, 'Listen, you have to understand something. Relationships are like eyebrows. It's better when there's a space between them.' And that's coming from a Greek guy.
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I remember when I used to be really into nostalgia.
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It's hard to know what's gay in life. Boxing. That's two men fighting over a belt.
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I don't know if I'll ever be a master at anything, but I think that's a mistake for me personally. I don't know how much it's about the journey, but it's more about the process.
Demetri Martin
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I would like to have windshield wipers that do the whole windshield, please.
Demetri Martin
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One of the most difficult and ironic murder weapons is the life jacket.
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A human head looks the least scary when it is attached.
Demetri Martin
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I can tell how lonely I am by how easily I'm fooled by a mannequin in a store.
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A good name for a gang would be The Uneducated Idiot Tough Guys.
Demetri Martin
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I don't think I ever wrote a song. I can write a lot of jokes, but when I try to write lyrics they're the most direct, non-figurative words, like, 'I like you, I like you,'... and that's it, for the whole song. People would go, 'Ooh, this guy's Dylan or something.' It gives me a lot more respect for songwriters, actually.
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Dogs seem more photogenic than cats. In photos most cats look like sociopaths.
Demetri Martin
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I want to make a revolving door that says 'Pull' on it, just see how obedient people are.
Demetri Martin
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The sofa is the enemy of productivity.
Demetri Martin
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It's interesting to be an adult and to have that level of ignorance about something, because the nice part about is you get that discovery. The learning curve is so rich and steep.
Demetri Martin
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Right now someone out there is struggling and starting to panic because they can't get out of a tempurpedic bed.
Demetri Martin
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Rock is fine. No structural damage to rock. Rock can break through paper at any point. Just say the word. Paper sucks.
Demetri Martin
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Whenever I see an autobiography for sale in the book store i just flip to the about the author section. I'm like, Done, next!
Demetri Martin
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When I look up at the clouds I see so many animals, mostly sheep who have lost their limbs and heads.
Demetri Martin