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I can move objects with my mind, if I use my hands.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Hands
Mind
Objects
Move
Moving
Use

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The shortest feedback loop I can think of is doing improvisation in front of an audience.
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A couple weeks ago I was on the street and I saw an ugly pregnant lady, and I just thought, 'Good for you.'
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My mind says one thing, but my body says another. Thanks a lot, Indian food and beer.
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One of the most difficult and ironic murder weapons is the life jacket.
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Statistics indicate that the average American is a guy named Brian who lives in Ohio.
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When I look up at the clouds I see so many animals, mostly sheep who have lost their limbs and heads.
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Last week I lost my temper in my karate class. Man, I'm not doing that again until I'm a black belt. Because I can tell you there's a difference between taking karate and receiving karate.
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I think my favorite sound is the sound of someone not playing the bongos.
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Americans who do not celebrate Independence Day: pets.
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The best way to make somebody feel important is to try to assassinate them.
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I was walking in the park and this guy waved at me. Then he said, 'I'm sorry, I thought you were someone else.' I said, 'I am.'
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There's a very fine line between giving someone the Heimlich maneuver and dry-humping a stranger.
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Stand up is really fun because if I think of a joke or a funny idea, then I can just go and tell some people and if they laugh, they laugh right away.
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The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you're signing somebody's cast.
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Never be less interesting than your refrigerator magnets.
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When there's someone who's dead and then someone does something that that person would not have liked, they say that that person is spinning in their grave. But I don't understand why they say that. Why is spinning the way that a corpse shows disapproval?
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The sofa is the enemy of productivity.
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Automatic paper towel dispensers are a solution to something that was never a problem in the first place.
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A parade looks like a bunch of people are excited about being in traffic.
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I equals all of the ifs added up over time. The ifs, those are the possibilities that's infinite for all of us. Every day there are just millions of them. Time, that's finite for each of us there is no question there. Maybe if you divide choices by the amount of time you have, the real I can emerge, depending upon those choices.
Demetri Martin