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If someone throws a pie at your face, just open your mouth really wide and say, 'Thanks for feeding me, a**hole.'
Demetri Martin
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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Faces
Hole
Someone
Holes
Really
Thanks
Mouth
Mouths
Wide
Throws
Open
Pie
Face
Feeding
More quotes by Demetri Martin
Planning trip around the globe, that is in my room.
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I think it's cool when an ex-girlfriend becomes an XL girlfriend.
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I was student council president in high school, and even in law school, I was vice-president of the student bar association.
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There's a very fine line between giving someone the Heimlich maneuver and dry-humping a stranger.
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One of the most difficult and ironic murder weapons is the life jacket.
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I'm so secretive that when someone asks me, Hey, can you keep a secret? I say That's none of your business.
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I never set out to do a sketch show.
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Another thing that I like and that's fun for me is to try and talk and play music at the same time, because I feel like I'm learning something. There are these little challenges built into it it's a way to push myself a little bit more as a performer.
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I have fun acting, and I want to do more of it, and I want to direct my own movie.
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I want to commit a crime during a reenactment, and turn it into an enactment.
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How to be a bouncer: be an asshole stand near a door.
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I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.
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To some I am known as Chief. And these are usually people who work in Radio Shack or try to sell me shoes. To others I am known as Buddy. These are people who dwell in bars and wonder if I’ve got a problem or what it is that I am “looking at.” And to still others, who are in that same bar, standing just off to the side, I am “Get Him!
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But I found that disappointing people is a good thing, because disapproval is freedom.
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It feels like every day or two, people on Twitter and the Internet are outraged about something.
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I am what I eat. And I am this especially when I bite my nails.
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I like to stand near ATM machines, and when somebody types in their pin number, I go, 'Got it!' And then I run away.
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I saw a transvestite wearing a T-shirt that said 'Guess'.
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It seems that man's greatest natural enemy is the target.
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When I am holding a water balloon, so many things look so unnecessarily dry.
Demetri Martin
