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I am a man of my word… and that word is “unreliable.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Unreliable
Word
Words
Men
Reliability

More quotes by Demetri Martin

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I like to go to concerts because I love to see my favorite band through the phone of the asshole who's standing in front of me.
Demetri Martin
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I've learned something on the road, traveling around: state shapes. The easier it is to draw the shape of the state, the harder it is to live in that state. So, if you live in a regular polygon, get the hell outta there. You gotta move to a squiggly area. Culture's attracted to squiggles.
Demetri Martin
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I was making pancakes the other day and a fly flew into the kitchen. And that's when I realized that a spatula is a lot like a fly-swatter. And a crushed fly is a lot like a blueberry. And a roommate is a lot like a fly eater.
Demetri Martin
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It seems that man's greatest natural enemy is the target.
Demetri Martin
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I like to stand near ATM machines, and when somebody types in their pin number, I go, 'Got it!' And then I run away.
Demetri Martin
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I need to develop some patience - immediately.
Demetri Martin
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I'm always excited to try something I haven't done.
Demetri Martin
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I'm a body builder, but I don't use weights. I use snacks. It's kind of a different building process.
Demetri Martin
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I was student council president in high school, and even in law school, I was vice-president of the student bar association.
Demetri Martin
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When I look up at the clouds I see so many animals, mostly sheep who have lost their limbs and heads.
Demetri Martin
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I wanna buy a bunch of hermit crabs and make them live together.
Demetri Martin
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The clothes make the man. The children working in sweatshops make the clothes. Therefore, the children working in sweatshops make the man.
Demetri Martin
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And as far as actors go, Peter Sellers is my all-time favorite.
Demetri Martin
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I am a comedian but it's usually not a compliment to be called a prop comedian but I guess I sometimes use props. And I always confuse humorist with comedian. That's strange.
Demetri Martin
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Small businesses are important, but so are tiny businesses.
Demetri Martin
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I wish I lived next to Carnegie Hall. Then, if someone asked me how to get to my house, I would just say 'Practice, practice, practice, and then take a left.'
Demetri Martin
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When I first heard the term 'training bra,' I was freaked out. I was pretty young and I said, 'Did you just say training bra? They're training their chests? I had no idea.' See some lady, her boobs are everywhere. 'What's her deal?' Those are untrained titties.
Demetri Martin
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How many of you are creative? I don't know, but for me, when you make a bunch of things over time and then you keep them... you forget. I look through my sketchbooks and I'm an audience for myself.
Demetri Martin
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I don't know what the long form of OK is. I wanna think it's okie dokie. 'I'm okie dokie. I'm a little shaken up, but I'm okie dokie.' 'The good news is, she's okie dokie. The surgery went fine.'
Demetri Martin
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Whenever I investigate a smell, I find that the answer is always bad. It's never: 'What is that? *sniff* muffins!'
Demetri Martin