Quote

I am a man of my word… and that word is “unreliable.

Demetri Martin

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Men
Reliability
Unreliable
Word
Words

More quotes by Demetri Martin

Image
I just started doing this one-man show, and I wanted to be able to score it, so I bought a guitar, and got a keyboard and got a harmonica. I remember when I started that I didn't understand why a harmonica had different letters on them.
Demetri Martin
Image
I do come across people who don't like me, don't like my comedy, don't think it's funny, it's too cutesy, or whatever they hate. And it's like, Okay. That's your opinion. Somebody liked it, so that's good. Hopefully it balances out.
Demetri Martin
Image
Turtles are greater than baby nephews, because it's ok to drop a turtle.
Demetri Martin
Image
I went into a clothing store, and the lady asked me what size I was. I said, 'Actual'. I'm not to scale.
Demetri Martin
Image
Surprise parties are strange 'cause people jump up and they yell the word, 'surprise' at the party. I came home and you emerged from my furniture. You don't have to tell me how to feel. I don't need a hint.
Demetri Martin
Image
I am a comedian but it's usually not a compliment to be called a prop comedian but I guess I sometimes use props. And I always confuse humorist with comedian. That's strange.
Demetri Martin
Image
Glitter is the herpes of craft supplies.
Demetri Martin
Image
You get really disillusioned, because you thought you were in love. But you realize that you're just alone.
Demetri Martin
Image
99.99% of all castles in America are located in fish tanks.
Demetri Martin
Image
Whenever I throw caution to the wind I make sure I'm facing the right way so that it doesn't blow back and hit me in my face.
Demetri Martin
Image
I love bowling almost as much as I love not bowling.
Demetri Martin
Image
Fire truck with back end on fire drives really fast in circles.
Demetri Martin
Image
I think it's cool when an ex-girlfriend becomes an XL girlfriend.
Demetri Martin
Image
I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper. See, the paper I used said 'Happy Birthday' on it. I didn't want to waste it so I just wrote 'Jesus' on it.
Demetri Martin
Image
Don't forget to turn your clocks back today if you don't want your clocks to be set to the right time.
Demetri Martin
Image
I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I am good at everything.
Demetri Martin
Image
I'm not a lawmaker, but I was thinking that if you have a really loud ring tone, maybe you should be stabbed in the ear?
Demetri Martin
Image
There's a very fine line between giving someone the Heimlich maneuver and dry-humping a stranger.
Demetri Martin
Image
Having a beard is a good way to make your face more susceptible to velcro.
Demetri Martin
Image
As a comic, I think I'm very verbally oriented about a lot of the stuff that I've written or thought up and how I say it.
Demetri Martin