Quote

Batteries are the most dramatic object. Other things stop working or they break, But Batteries... They Die.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Stop
Break
Dies
Working
Batteries
Things
Dramatic
Object
Objects

More quotes by Demetri Martin

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I equals all of the ifs added up over time. The ifs, those are the possibilities that's infinite for all of us. Every day there are just millions of them. Time, that's finite for each of us there is no question there. Maybe if you divide choices by the amount of time you have, the real I can emerge, depending upon those choices.
Demetri Martin
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I walk around and think about things. When I come across a thought that makes me laugh, I write it down. Then, at night, I say the thought to people through a microphone. I don't think about politics or pop culture very much, so those thoughts don't often make it to the microphone.
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I wonder if, as a society, we will ever be able to call someone a jive tofurkey.
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I just found out that I have more allies than America!
Demetri Martin
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One of the most difficult and ironic murder weapons is the life jacket.
Demetri Martin
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A couple weeks ago I was on the street and I saw an ugly pregnant lady, and I just thought, 'Good for you.'
Demetri Martin
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I care about politics, but I have a tough time making comedy out of it. I was so happy to have a chance to be on The Daily Show, and I think Jon Stewart's so funny... but mostly in my own comedy, I care about less relevant things.
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My policy is 'No stone throwing regardless of housing situation.'
Demetri Martin
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A sports bar is a way to take a bar and fill it with even more annoying people than usual.
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I want to commit a crime during a reenactment, and turn it into an enactment.
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I wanna buy a bunch of hermit crabs and make them live together.
Demetri Martin
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Automatic paper towel dispensers are a solution to something that was never a problem in the first place.
Demetri Martin
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When someone shows you a picture of their kids what they don't want to hear is Oh, yeah, I got pictures of your kid too.
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I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.
Demetri Martin
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When I am holding a water balloon, so many things look so unnecessarily dry.
Demetri Martin
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To remove blood stains from your conscience try frozen margaritas.
Demetri Martin
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If I have to move up in a building, I choose the elevator over the escalator. Because one time I was riding the escalator and I tripped. I fell down the stairs for an hour and a half.
Demetri Martin
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When I was a kid, I always wanted to live in California because I liked skateboarding.
Demetri Martin
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I don't know what the long form of OK is. I wanna think it's okie dokie. 'I'm okie dokie. I'm a little shaken up, but I'm okie dokie.' 'The good news is, she's okie dokie. The surgery went fine.'
Demetri Martin
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I think there's a difference between making comedy and reporting comedy. When you're a joke teller you can easily fall into the second, you can show up and just say the jokes.
Demetri Martin