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Batteries are the most dramatic object. Other things stop working or they break, But Batteries... They Die.
Demetri Martin
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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Objects
Stop
Break
Dies
Working
Things
Batteries
Dramatic
Object
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The shortest distance between two idiots is a conga line.
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The sofa is the enemy of productivity.
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Timing is everything. That's a cliche. Now. If I'd said that a long time ago, I'd have been original.
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It's always helpful to remember that in the grand scheme of things you are much more important than... um, wait, than... something, maybe.
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It is interesting that the black BMW is the preferred car of so many assholes.
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They say that structure is freedom, and in a sense it is. When you're dealing with multiple constraints, you have to figure out what you can get out of that.
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A know-it-all is a person who knows everything except for how annoying he is.
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Checkers taught me that a King is a man with another man on top of him. But life taught me that that's actually called a Queen.
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I was eating some candy and looked on the wrapper, and it said made from natural and artificial flavors. You could just say flavors.
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There are very few songs about just liking someone as a friend.
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I tend to avoid televisions, politics, and places with velvet ropes.
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Halloween's my favorite holiday because you don't have to spend it with your family.
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I have an erratic drummer for anybody who's just listening to this, he can keep time, but just in spurts.
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I was walking in the park and this guy waved at me. Then he said, 'I'm sorry, I thought you were someone else.' I said, 'I am.'
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I think, at first blush, the '60s always enticed me. There's something about the '60s, it's not hard to like it.
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When I was a kid, I always wanted to live in California because I liked skateboarding.
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My mind says one thing, but my body says another. Thanks a lot, Indian food and beer.
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When I am holding a water balloon, so many things look so unnecessarily dry.
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Artistically, I find jokes really satisfying aesthetically, because there's something great about getting an idea down to a sentence or two.
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