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I like birthdays because we celebrate life with cakes. It's so cool. Sometimes when I see a baby, I'm like that much more cake in the world. But then when someone dies, I'm like the cake streak is over.
Demetri Martin
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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Life
Baby
Like
Humor
Birthdays
World
Comedy
Cakes
Dies
Streak
Funny
Streaks
Someone
Cake
Sometimes
Celebrate
Much
Cool
More quotes by Demetri Martin
Separate but equal is terrible for education but it's perfect for eyebrows.
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I do come across people who don't like me, don't like my comedy, don't think it's funny, it's too cutesy, or whatever they hate. And it's like, Okay. That's your opinion. Somebody liked it, so that's good. Hopefully it balances out.
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It's interesting to be an adult and to have that level of ignorance about something, because the nice part about is you get that discovery. The learning curve is so rich and steep.
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99.99% of all castles in America are located in fish tanks.
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Having a beard is a good way to make your face more susceptible to velcro.
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I am a ceiling fan, especially during rain.
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And as far as actors go, Peter Sellers is my all-time favorite.
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I walk around and think about things. When I come across a thought that makes me laugh, I write it down. Then, at night, I say the thought to people through a microphone. I don't think about politics or pop culture very much, so those thoughts don't often make it to the microphone.
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I don't like thank you cards because I don't know what else to say. What do I put on the inside? See Front.
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Nothing wise was ever printed upon an apron.
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Glitter is the herpes of craft supplies.
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When I was a kid, I always wanted to live in California because I liked skateboarding.
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People and squirrels are very different. Most people will not argue that. But I find that there is one situation in which they're very similar. And that is: when I am driving towards them in my car. Then they're kind of hard to tell apart - especially if the human is kind of hairy.
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I just found out that I have more allies than America!
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I still like paper books. Like, book is a flammable object. After you read it, you could use it to get warm. Or it could become a pile of napkins.
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I saw a sign that said, 'Watch for children.' I was like, 'That sounds like a fair trade - especially if they're crappy kids.'
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I can move objects with my mind, if I use my hands.
Demetri Martin
Automatic paper towel dispensers are a solution to something that was never a problem in the first place.
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I like stand-up. But I'd also like a family and house and a yard. I want to work with a lot of people, have colleagues and on good film sets, there's people there that work with the same people for years and years. I love that collaborative spirit in that medium. Comedy is a lot more solitary.
Demetri Martin
I can always tell how stupid someone is by how certain they are about what they're saying.
Demetri Martin