Quote

I think it would be frustrating to be a match maker. What do you do? I'm a match maker Aw, that's really romantic No, umm... I actually... never mind

Demetri Martin

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Never
Match
Would
Romantic
Think
Humor
Thinking
Comedy
Actually
Funny
Maker
Mind
Frustrating
Really
Makers

More quotes by Demetri Martin

Image
Separate but equal is terrible for education but it's perfect for eyebrows.
Demetri Martin
Image
It would be interesting if Elvis were reincarnated as an Elvis impersonator.
Demetri Martin
Image
I've often liked a girl, made her laugh, and thought she liked me, and then found out that she didn't like me that way. I've definitely done time in the friend zone.
Demetri Martin
Image
It is a little ironic that one thing a babysitter should not do is sit on a baby.
Demetri Martin
Image
I've never read an article of clothing.
Demetri Martin
Image
When a Dalmatian sees a cow he must be like, 'What the hell happened to him? I am high right now. That dalmatian is fat and smeary.' When the cow sees the Dalmatian he must be like, 'He looks amazing. I am so out of shape, this is ridiculous. My tits are on the ground here.
Demetri Martin
Image
You get really disillusioned, because you thought you were in love. But you realize that you're just alone.
Demetri Martin
Image
I was student council president in high school, and even in law school, I was vice-president of the student bar association.
Demetri Martin
Image
When there's someone who's dead and then someone does something that that person would not have liked, they say that that person is spinning in their grave. But I don't understand why they say that. Why is spinning the way that a corpse shows disapproval?
Demetri Martin
Image
I wanna buy a bunch of hermit crabs and make them live together.
Demetri Martin
Image
Glitter is the herpes of craft supplies.
Demetri Martin
Image
I wish my name started with a comma. That would be so dramatic.
Demetri Martin
Image
Yes, okay, it's cool to be quirky, maybe, on the side. Do some puzzles, make puzzles, whatever, learn how to ride a unicycle. That's cool when it's on the side and you have a plan. What happens when you remove the plan? What you're left with is a guy who likes to do anagrams. And doesn't have a job... Sweet, that's a catch.
Demetri Martin
Image
I think it would be cool if you were writing a ransom note on your computer, if the paper clip popped up and said, 'Looks like you're writing a ransom note. Need help? You should use more forceful language, you'll get more money.'
Demetri Martin
Image
If someone throws a pie at your face, just open your mouth really wide and say, 'Thanks for feeding me, a**hole.'
Demetri Martin
Image
I still like paper books. Like, book is a flammable object. After you read it, you could use it to get warm. Or it could become a pile of napkins.
Demetri Martin
Image
Vampire fad just won't die. Makes sense, I guess.
Demetri Martin
Image
I think a lot of people who watch TV don't realize when they're watch TV shows and it says 'produced by' and producer, producer... there are all these producers. What the hell does a producer do? It's funny how much you have to worry about as a producer.
Demetri Martin
Image
I just listen to so much music that I like the role music can play in scoring something. I'm not doing song parodies or funny songs, I'm just adding some music to my words. So it's limited and specific, but as a performer I find it pretty enjoyable.
Demetri Martin
Image
My policy is 'No stone throwing regardless of housing situation.'
Demetri Martin