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I think it would be frustrating to be a match maker. What do you do? I'm a match maker Aw, that's really romantic No, umm... I actually... never mind

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Actually
Funny
Maker
Mind
Frustrating
Really
Makers
Never
Match
Would
Romantic
Think
Humor
Thinking
Comedy

More quotes by Demetri Martin

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I like digital cameras, because they enable you to reminisce immediately.
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Once I started to look i finally began to see.
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I'm not a lawmaker, but I was thinking that if you have a really loud ring tone, maybe you should be stabbed in the ear?
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Dogs seem more photogenic than cats. In photos most cats look like sociopaths.
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One thing you never hear is Man that guy is good at badminton.
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I'm so secretive that when someone asks me, Hey, can you keep a secret? I say That's none of your business.
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There's a very fine line between giving someone the Heimlich maneuver and dry-humping a stranger.
Demetri Martin
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If I ever saw an amputee getting hanged, I'd probably just start calling out letters.
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How to be a bouncer: be an asshole stand near a door.
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It would be interesting if Elvis were reincarnated as an Elvis impersonator.
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Halloween: the day each year when strangers give you even more specific reasons to dislike them based on what they are wearing.
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I want to launch a globe into space just to mess with the astronauts.
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I wonder what the most intelligent thing ever said was that started with the word 'dude.' 'Dude, these are isotopes.' 'Dude, we removed your kidney. You're gonna be fine.' 'Dude, I am so stoked to win this Nobel Prize. I just wanna thank Kevin, and Turtle, and all my homies.'
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I wanna see a snake eat spaghetti.
Demetri Martin
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When watering your plants, try to talk to them - say something like, Hold it right there and then shoot them with water gun.
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I wasn't even a big comedy nerd. A lot of the comedians I know - a lot of my friends are comedians - they knew a lot about comedy growing up.
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I'm a body builder, but I don't use weights. I use snacks. It's kind of a different building process.
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A parade looks like a bunch of people are excited about being in traffic.
Demetri Martin
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A cool tattoo design is any drawing that would also look good saggy.
Demetri Martin
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My friend has hand soap that smells like coconut. It's nice. Unless your hands are dirty from coconuts.
Demetri Martin