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This is a pie chart about procrastination.
Demetri Martin
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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Funny
Chart
Pie
Procrastination
Humor
Comedy
More quotes by Demetri Martin
I think there's a difference between making comedy and reporting comedy. When you're a joke teller you can easily fall into the second, you can show up and just say the jokes.
Demetri Martin
I've often liked a girl, made her laugh, and thought she liked me, and then found out that she didn't like me that way. I've definitely done time in the friend zone.
Demetri Martin
I like when people wear a WWJD bracelet, because it's like an example of the first thing Jesus wouldn't do, probably.
Demetri Martin
I think it would be frustrating to be a match maker. What do you do? I'm a match maker Aw, that's really romantic No, umm... I actually... never mind
Demetri Martin
It seems that man's greatest natural enemy is the target.
Demetri Martin
A lot of things look cooler in slow motion. Eating isn't one of them.
Demetri Martin
And as far as actors go, Peter Sellers is my all-time favorite.
Demetri Martin
Stand up is really fun because if I think of a joke or a funny idea, then I can just go and tell some people and if they laugh, they laugh right away.
Demetri Martin
I am a ceiling fan, especially during rain.
Demetri Martin
Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time.
Demetri Martin
I would like to have windshield wipers that do the whole windshield, please.
Demetri Martin
Statistics indicate that the average American is a guy named Brian who lives in Ohio.
Demetri Martin
If I ever saw an amputee getting hanged, I'd probably just start calling out letters.
Demetri Martin
I wanna put stickers on turtles... I don't know why.
Demetri Martin
Rock is fine. No structural damage to rock. Rock can break through paper at any point. Just say the word. Paper sucks.
Demetri Martin
I'm not a lawmaker, but I was thinking that if you have a really loud ring tone, maybe you should be stabbed in the ear?
Demetri Martin
I think hair gel was invented to make it easier to identify assholes from a distance.
Demetri Martin
To remove blood stains from your conscience try frozen margaritas.
Demetri Martin
Coffee is like a bra. 3 cups is one too many.
Demetri Martin
Americans who do not celebrate Independence Day: pets.
Demetri Martin
