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It's very easy to turn a toy into an adult toy: Location, location, location.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Funny
Location
Easy
Toys
Adult
Adults
Humor
Comedy
Turn
Turns

More quotes by Demetri Martin

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When I trip, I feel like that's the world saying come here for a second. It just pulls me closer for a second, yeah what do you want? I just want to remind you that you're uncoordinated. I'm aware of that, thank you... can I go now? Yeah, you can go, but never ever try to outrun me. Ok, world, see you later. Yeah, I'll see you in about 50 years.
Demetri Martin
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Stand up is really fun because if I think of a joke or a funny idea, then I can just go and tell some people and if they laugh, they laugh right away.
Demetri Martin
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I think it would be cool if you were writing a ransom note on your computer, if the paper clip popped up and said, 'Looks like you're writing a ransom note. Need help? You should use more forceful language, you'll get more money.'
Demetri Martin
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I still like paper books. Like, book is a flammable object. After you read it, you could use it to get warm. Or it could become a pile of napkins.
Demetri Martin
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The shortest distance between two idiots is a conga line.
Demetri Martin
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Checkers taught me that a King is a man with another man on top of him. But life taught me that that's actually called a Queen.
Demetri Martin
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Sometimes I use my jokes as building blocks for larger bits. I like to draw and play music, so sometimes I do those things along with the jokes.
Demetri Martin
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It's always helpful to remember that in the grand scheme of things you are much more important than... um, wait, than... something, maybe.
Demetri Martin
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I went into a clothing store, and the lady asked me what size I was. I said, 'Actual'. I'm not to scale.
Demetri Martin
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I want to make a revolving door that says 'Pull' on it, just see how obedient people are.
Demetri Martin
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A know-it-all is a person who knows everything except for how annoying he is.
Demetri Martin
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I want to commit a crime during a reenactment, and turn it into an enactment.
Demetri Martin
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At any minute, I am four minutes from a poncho.
Demetri Martin
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The boomerang is Australia's chief export (and then import).
Demetri Martin
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The sofa is the enemy of productivity.
Demetri Martin
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To get strangers to hate you even faster, crank up the volume on that very interesting ringtone of yours.
Demetri Martin
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I bought a dictionary. First thing I did was, I looked up the word dictionary, and it said you're an asshole.
Demetri Martin
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As soon as I jumped out of the airplane, I realized I had forgotten my parachute. Thank God we were still on the runway.
Demetri Martin
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The difference between a child's toy and an adult toy is: location, location, location.
Demetri Martin
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One of my favorite clothing patterns is camouflage. Because when you're in the woods it makes you blend in. But when you're not it does just the opposite. It's like, 'Hey, there's an asshole.'
Demetri Martin