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I think a lot of stuff I find funny is from day dreaming.
Demetri Martin
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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
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Dream
Find
Think
Thinking
Dreaming
Funny
More quotes by Demetri Martin
They say it's lonely at the top. It must be even lonelier at the tippy top.
Demetri Martin
I like digital cameras, because they enable you to reminisce immediately.
Demetri Martin
I love bowling almost as much as I love not bowling.
Demetri Martin
I'm a body builder, but I don't use weights. I use snacks. It's kind of a different building process.
Demetri Martin
A lot of things look cooler in slow motion. Eating isn't one of them.
Demetri Martin
I do come across people who don't like me, don't like my comedy, don't think it's funny, it's too cutesy, or whatever they hate. And it's like, Okay. That's your opinion. Somebody liked it, so that's good. Hopefully it balances out.
Demetri Martin
If I think of a joke that's really dirty and I think it's funny I'll try it but what I've found over the years is they just don't laugh. It doesn't work coming out of my mouth so it's like they taught me 'don't do that. Don't go that way or you'll lose me.'
Demetri Martin
You mock those who blindly follow the majority...turn your attention now to those who are so dedicated to deviating from the norm that they would gladly cease breathing if it were suggested to them that inhalation was a form of conformity for they deserve just as much scrutiny and ridicule.
Demetri Martin
When someone asks you the question 'Are you ticklish' it doesn't matter if you say yes or no, cause they're going to touch you. If someone asks if you're ticklish and you don't want to be touched you should something like 'I have diarrhea, now don't touch me cause you'll make it come out... and yes I'm very ticklish'.
Demetri Martin
Dogs seem more photogenic than cats. In photos most cats look like sociopaths.
Demetri Martin
My friend says touche way too much. He's a touche bag.
Demetri Martin
A couple weeks ago I was on the street and I saw an ugly pregnant lady, and I just thought, 'Good for you.'
Demetri Martin
The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.
Demetri Martin
I like shorter jokes. I like fewer words. I think the more ideas there are the, the fewer words there should be.
Demetri Martin
I ordered a wake-up call the other day. The phone rang and a woman's voice said, 'What the hell are you doing with your life?'
Demetri Martin
Never be less interesting than your refrigerator magnets.
Demetri Martin
If I ever saw an amputee getting hanged, I'd probably just start calling out letters.
Demetri Martin
I wish my name started with a comma. That would be so dramatic.
Demetri Martin
It feels like every day or two, people on Twitter and the Internet are outraged about something.
Demetri Martin
When I first heard the term 'training bra,' I was freaked out. I was pretty young and I said, 'Did you just say training bra? They're training their chests? I had no idea.' See some lady, her boobs are everywhere. 'What's her deal?' Those are untrained titties.
Demetri Martin
