Quote

I like to go to concerts because I love to see my favorite band through the phone of the asshole who's standing in front of me.

Demetri Martin

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Fronts
Front
Standing
Band
Asshole
Love
Concerts
Like
Phone
Phones
Favorite

More quotes by Demetri Martin

Image
There are very few songs about just liking someone as a friend.
Demetri Martin
Image
A refrigerator is the opposite of a drug addict, because a refrigerator starts in a box and then moves to a house.
Demetri Martin
Image
A lot of things look cooler in slow motion. Eating isn't one of them.
Demetri Martin
Image
I wanna design a video game where you'd have to take care of all the people shot in all the other video games.
Demetri Martin
Image
I don't know if I'll ever be a master at anything, but I think that's a mistake for me personally. I don't know how much it's about the journey, but it's more about the process.
Demetri Martin
Image
I go the gym and I try to run on the treadmill and I listen to music but it doesn't motivate me enough. So I'm going to get a recording of a pack of wolves gaining on me. People would be like, 'Why is that guy crying on that treadmill over there?' 'I don't know, but he's been yelling, 'help' for like 20 minutes. He's getting a good workout.
Demetri Martin
Image
I tend to avoid televisions, politics, and places with velvet ropes.
Demetri Martin
Image
I walk around and think about things. When I come across a thought that makes me laugh, I write it down. Then, at night, I say the thought to people through a microphone. I don't think about politics or pop culture very much, so those thoughts don't often make it to the microphone.
Demetri Martin
Image
If you drink enough beer, everything turns in to a bed.
Demetri Martin
Image
What I've learned about my self over the years is that I'm pretty restless. If I multitask it's probably because I have difficulty just focusing on one thing.
Demetri Martin
Image
I was student council president in high school, and even in law school, I was vice-president of the student bar association.
Demetri Martin
Image
I set a personal record on Christmas. I got my shopping done three weeks ahead of time. I had all the presents back at my apartment, I was halfway through wrapping them, and I realized, 'Damn, I used the wrong wrapping paper.' The paper I used said, 'Happy Birthday.' I didn't want to waste it, so I just wrote 'Jesus' on it.
Demetri Martin
Image
The chances of someone who looks like Jesus having pot raises steadily, to a point. If the guy is on a cross you may have the wrong guy.
Demetri Martin
Image
I need to develop some patience - immediately.
Demetri Martin
Image
Halloween's my favorite holiday because you don't have to spend it with your family.
Demetri Martin
Image
I have fun acting, and I want to do more of it, and I want to direct my own movie.
Demetri Martin
Image
I like shorter jokes. I like fewer words. I think the more ideas there are the, the fewer words there should be.
Demetri Martin
Image
How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.
Demetri Martin
Image
I wonder if, as a society, we will ever be able to call someone a jive tofurkey.
Demetri Martin
Image
I think it would be worse to get mauled by a dancing bear than just a regular bear because you can't totally blame the dancing bear.
Demetri Martin