Quote

I like to go to concerts because I love to see my favorite band through the phone of the asshole who's standing in front of me.

Demetri Martin

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Favorite
Fronts
Front
Standing
Band
Asshole
Love
Concerts
Like
Phone
Phones

More quotes by Demetri Martin

Image
Canoe plus waterfall equals I don't go camping anymore.
Demetri Martin
Image
Cotton candy is the perfect snack for when I'm in the mood to eat dry, scratchy fabric.
Demetri Martin
Image
If I think of a joke that's really dirty and I think it's funny I'll try it but what I've found over the years is they just don't laugh. It doesn't work coming out of my mouth so it's like they taught me 'don't do that. Don't go that way or you'll lose me.'
Demetri Martin
Image
I just listen to so much music that I like the role music can play in scoring something. I'm not doing song parodies or funny songs, I'm just adding some music to my words. So it's limited and specific, but as a performer I find it pretty enjoyable.
Demetri Martin
Image
REGARDING THE MARCHING BAND: How much more interesting it would be to see a creeping band.
Demetri Martin
Image
Usually, I walk around and think about things. When I come across a thought that makes me laugh, I write it down.
Demetri Martin
Image
Never be less interesting than your refrigerator magnets.
Demetri Martin
Image
The bird, the bee, the running child are all the same to the sliding glass door.
Demetri Martin
Image
It's not enough to say I'm sorry. You have to also mean it. It's the same with saying I'm single.
Demetri Martin
Image
I bought a dictionary. First thing I did was, I looked up the word dictionary, and it said you're an asshole.
Demetri Martin
Image
Timing is everything. That's a cliche. Now. If I'd said that a long time ago, I'd have been original.
Demetri Martin
Image
I wasn't the class clown, but I was starting to become the crazy guy at law school, which is the guy who is not so much crazy as annoying.
Demetri Martin
Image
I saw a transvestite wearing a T-shirt that said 'Guess'.
Demetri Martin
Image
It's funny: when people always talk about the importance of role models, I used to think that was so exaggerated, but as I get older, I start to realize I don't feel that way so much anymore. If you see somebody like you who's doing something, an older version of what you are, it does make you feel like it's more possible.
Demetri Martin
Image
If you stretched the average person's intestines out from end to end, it would make them scream a lot.
Demetri Martin
Image
When you're wearing an animal costume and something bad happens, your facial expression doesn't change. The animal is deadpan the whole time. If you're skiing in a gorilla suit and you fall, you just see a gorilla who has no emotion. It's just a stoic gorilla, wildly falling down a hill, out of control.
Demetri Martin
Image
Popcorn is one of the only situations in which you eat the result of an explosion.
Demetri Martin
Image
A dreamcatcher works, if your dream is to be gay.
Demetri Martin
Image
I can tell how lonely I am by how easily I'm fooled by a mannequin in a store.
Demetri Martin
Image
I love bowling almost as much as I love not bowling.
Demetri Martin