Quote

I like to go to concerts because I love to see my favorite band through the phone of the asshole who's standing in front of me.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Fronts
Front
Standing
Band
Asshole
Love
Concerts
Like
Phone
Phones
Favorite

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A know-it-all is a person who knows everything except for how annoying he is.
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I think it would be worse to get mauled by a dancing bear than just a regular bear because you can't totally blame the dancing bear.
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I find that a shirt is most similar to a napkin when I don't have a napkin.
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I want to make a revolving door that says 'Pull' on it, just see how obedient people are.
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I can always tell how stupid someone is by how certain they are about what they're saying.
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Halloween: the day each year when strangers give you even more specific reasons to dislike them based on what they are wearing.
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I need to develop some patience - immediately.
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Batteries are the most dramatic object. Other things stop working or they break, But Batteries... They Die.
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Sometimes it looks like I'm dancing, but it's just that I walked into a spider web.
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I used to get bummed out when it rained then I realized that it's God's way of washing off hippies.
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Checkers taught me that a King is a man with another man on top of him. But life taught me that that's actually called a Queen.
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I've never read an article of clothing.
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You are ten times more likely to get hit by a car when the driver is aiming for you.
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When I was a kid, I always wanted to live in California because I liked skateboarding.
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A couple weeks ago I was on the street and I saw an ugly pregnant lady, and I just thought, 'Good for you.'
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I'm so secretive that when someone asks me, Hey, can you keep a secret? I say That's none of your business.
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Count your blessings, but not out-loud, at the top of your lungs.
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My mind says one thing, but my body says another. Thanks a lot, Indian food and beer.
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I was on the train the other day, and I heard somebody say, I'm really good at checkers. That's the same thing as saying, I'm not good at very many things.
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I like when people wear a WWJD bracelet, because it's like an example of the first thing Jesus wouldn't do, probably.
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