Quote

I like to go to concerts because I love to see my favorite band through the phone of the asshole who's standing in front of me.

Demetri Martin

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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Like
Phone
Phones
Favorite
Fronts
Front
Standing
Band
Asshole
Love
Concerts

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Overheard today in restaurant: Can you stop listening to our conversation?
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I've learned something on the road, traveling around: state shapes. The easier it is to draw the shape of the state, the harder it is to live in that state. So, if you live in a regular polygon, get the hell outta there. You gotta move to a squiggly area. Culture's attracted to squiggles.
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Americans who do not celebrate Independence Day: pets.
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I remember when I used to be really into nostalgia.
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A good name for a gang would be The Uneducated Idiot Tough Guys.
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Checkers taught me that a King is a man with another man on top of him. But life taught me that that's actually called a Queen.
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I don't think I ever wrote a song. I can write a lot of jokes, but when I try to write lyrics they're the most direct, non-figurative words, like, 'I like you, I like you,'... and that's it, for the whole song. People would go, 'Ooh, this guy's Dylan or something.' It gives me a lot more respect for songwriters, actually.
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The boomerang is Australia's chief export (and then import).
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I wanna buy a bunch of hermit crabs and make them live together.
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The difference between a child's toy and an adult toy is: location, location, location.
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One of my favorite clothing patterns is camouflage. Because when you're in the woods it makes you blend in. But when you're not it does just the opposite. It's like, 'Hey, there's an asshole.'
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Cotton candy is the perfect snack for when I'm in the mood to eat dry, scratchy fabric.
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It's funny: when people always talk about the importance of role models, I used to think that was so exaggerated, but as I get older, I start to realize I don't feel that way so much anymore. If you see somebody like you who's doing something, an older version of what you are, it does make you feel like it's more possible.
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Canoe plus waterfall equals I don't go camping anymore.
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I went into a clothing store, and the lady asked me what size I was. I said, 'Actual'. I'm not to scale.
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The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you're signing somebody's cast.
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Usually, I walk around and think about things. When I come across a thought that makes me laugh, I write it down.
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I've often liked a girl, made her laugh, and thought she liked me, and then found out that she didn't like me that way. I've definitely done time in the friend zone.
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Turtles are greater than baby nephews, because it's ok to drop a turtle.
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I think if I pick the right thing to spend my time doing, then time moves differently, because I really can get fully immersed in things and feel very alive and challenged, but in a good way. I feel a sense of progress.
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