Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
I like to go to concerts because I love to see my favorite band through the phone of the asshole who's standing in front of me.
Demetri Martin
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Standing
Band
Asshole
Love
Concerts
Like
Phone
Phones
Favorite
Fronts
Front
More quotes by Demetri Martin
I wanna buy a bunch of hermit crabs and make them live together.
Demetri Martin
We do not allow dwarf tossing. If you toss a dwarf, the dwarf will be tossed right back at you, but faster.
Demetri Martin
This is a pie chart about procrastination.
Demetri Martin
Vampire fad just won't die. Makes sense, I guess.
Demetri Martin
The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you're signing somebody's cast.
Demetri Martin
I bought a new pair of pajamas with pockets, which is great, cause now i don't have to hold things when I sleep.
Demetri Martin
Glitter is the herpes of craft supplies.
Demetri Martin
I wasn't the class clown, but I was starting to become the crazy guy at law school, which is the guy who is not so much crazy as annoying.
Demetri Martin
I wonder if, as a society, we will ever be able to call someone a jive tofurkey.
Demetri Martin
Man is the most powerful creature on the planet. And we're arrogant. I mean, people own birds. It's like, there's a creature with the gift of flight. I want it. I'm going to put it in my kitchen and make it crap on old information.
Demetri Martin
To me, comedy is a game.
Demetri Martin
My friend has hand soap that smells like coconut. It's nice. Unless your hands are dirty from coconuts.
Demetri Martin
Turtles are greater than baby nephews, because it's ok to drop a turtle.
Demetri Martin
I want to launch a globe into space just to mess with the astronauts.
Demetri Martin
Having a beard is a good way to make your face more susceptible to velcro.
Demetri Martin
A human head looks the least scary when it is attached.
Demetri Martin
I got into stand up just to do stand up because I love stand up.
Demetri Martin
I think it's cool when an ex-girlfriend becomes an XL girlfriend.
Demetri Martin
I find that a shirt is most similar to a napkin when I don't have a napkin.
Demetri Martin
If someone throws a pie at your face, just open your mouth really wide and say, 'Thanks for feeding me, a**hole.'
Demetri Martin