Quote

How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.

Demetri Martin

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Looks
Zebra
Zebras
Gray
Fast
Running
Doe

More quotes by Demetri Martin

Image
Popcorn is one of the only situations in which you eat the result of an explosion.
Demetri Martin
Image
I just listen to so much music that I like the role music can play in scoring something. I'm not doing song parodies or funny songs, I'm just adding some music to my words. So it's limited and specific, but as a performer I find it pretty enjoyable.
Demetri Martin
Image
I thought I would, you know, go to college, get to law school, finish, and then get a job and work as a lawyer, but that proved to be not a good fit for me.
Demetri Martin
Image
Batteries are the most dramatic object. Other things stop working or they break, But Batteries... They Die.
Demetri Martin
Image
Stand-up is like a row boat: it's fun and romantic when you're choosing to do it. But if you have no other choice than to be in a row boat it's not as enjoyable that's survival.
Demetri Martin
Image
I was on the train the other day, and I heard somebody say, I'm really good at checkers. That's the same thing as saying, I'm not good at very many things.
Demetri Martin
Image
When a Dalmatian sees a cow he must be like, 'What the hell happened to him? I am high right now. That dalmatian is fat and smeary.' When the cow sees the Dalmatian he must be like, 'He looks amazing. I am so out of shape, this is ridiculous. My tits are on the ground here.
Demetri Martin
Image
My friend says touche way too much. He's a touche bag.
Demetri Martin
Image
When someone describes themself as a taxpayer, they're about to be an asshole.
Demetri Martin
Image
This is a pie chart about procrastination.
Demetri Martin
Image
I'm not a lawmaker, but I was thinking that if you have a really loud ring tone, maybe you should be stabbed in the ear?
Demetri Martin
Image
Vampire fad just won't die. Makes sense, I guess.
Demetri Martin
Image
Your mind is like a sponge, in the sense that it would come in handy when cleaning off a countertop or something like that.
Demetri Martin
Image
Glitter is the herpes of craft supplies.
Demetri Martin
Image
I think it would be frustrating to be a match maker. What do you do? I'm a match maker Aw, that's really romantic No, umm... I actually... never mind
Demetri Martin
Image
I think a lot of stuff I find funny is from day dreaming.
Demetri Martin
Image
I think hair gel was invented to make it easier to identify assholes from a distance.
Demetri Martin
Image
I was stuck in traffic and I looked in the mirror and in the car behind me there was a couple having a horrible argument and right below their image it said Objects In Mirror Are Closer Than They Appear. I just thought, man I hope so because she was pretty mad.
Demetri Martin
Image
I have fun acting, and I want to do more of it, and I want to direct my own movie.
Demetri Martin
Image
It's always helpful to remember that in the grand scheme of things you are much more important than... um, wait, than... something, maybe.
Demetri Martin