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How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.
Demetri Martin
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Demetri Martin
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 25
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
New York City
New York
Demetri Evan Martin
Doe
Looks
Zebra
Zebras
Gray
Fast
Running
More quotes by Demetri Martin
Americans who do not celebrate Independence Day: pets.
Demetri Martin
I was seeing this girl and she wanted to get more serious. But I wasn't ready to, I had just gotten out of a difficult relationship before that. So I said to her, 'Listen, you have to understand something. Relationships are like eyebrows. It's better when there's a space between them.' And that's coming from a Greek guy.
Demetri Martin
A cool tattoo design is any drawing that would also look good saggy.
Demetri Martin
I like video games, but they are very violent. I want to create a video game in which you have to help all the characters who have died in the other games. 'Hey, man, what are you playing?' 'Super Busy Hospital. Could you leave me alone? I'm performing surgery! This guy got shot in the head, like, 27 times!'
Demetri Martin
I just found out that I have more allies than America!
Demetri Martin
A refrigerator is the opposite of a drug addict, because a refrigerator starts in a box and then moves to a house.
Demetri Martin
I was on the train the other day, and I heard somebody say, I'm really good at checkers. That's the same thing as saying, I'm not good at very many things.
Demetri Martin
Having a beard is a good way to make your face more susceptible to velcro.
Demetri Martin
When telling a story about how wasted you were last night, stop.
Demetri Martin
I wanna design a video game where you'd have to take care of all the people shot in all the other video games.
Demetri Martin
I care about politics, but I have a tough time making comedy out of it. I was so happy to have a chance to be on The Daily Show, and I think Jon Stewart's so funny... but mostly in my own comedy, I care about less relevant things.
Demetri Martin
The shortest distance between two idiots is a conga line.
Demetri Martin
I tend to avoid televisions, politics, and places with velvet ropes.
Demetri Martin
The problem with my balloon collection is that people always think there's a party. Settle down. It's not a party. It's just balloons.
Demetri Martin
A parade looks like a bunch of people are excited about being in traffic.
Demetri Martin
My policy is 'No stone throwing regardless of housing situation.'
Demetri Martin
I think my favorite sound is the sound of someone not playing the bongos.
Demetri Martin
I don't like thank you cards because I don't know what else to say. What do I put on the inside? See Front.
Demetri Martin
It is interesting that the black BMW is the preferred car of so many assholes.
Demetri Martin
If you drink enough beer, everything turns in to a bed.
Demetri Martin
